Politics for Poephols.

So, for those of you not in South Africa or living with your head pretty much rammed right up your bottom, I’m here to tell you that I have no president. It’s true. The South African president, Mr. Thabo Mbeki, has been bullied into resigning, evidently. It all smells a bit fishy to me, but what annoys me even more is that I don’t understand the how, when or why. And so I had a bit of a chat to a very political friend of mine in the whole “South African politics” industry in order to;

a) understand a bit more of what all these news articles are going on about, and
b) get somebody else’s opinion to write up this post so that you can also understand
c) create this article to teach those out there, like me, to broaden their horizons and take an interest in our country’s happenings.

Anyway, I spoke to my clever friend in, what he hates calling; “politics” and asked him a few questions I had on my mind:

Please could you simplify wtf is going on with this whole presidential story for me. Why do we have a vice president if she isn’t being used to step up to Mbeki’s now empty position?
She is ceremonial

Which means….?
That she is there is to look pretty

Are you fucking serious? How is this allowed?
It’s normal around the world, actually.

Why? Surely they should be functional in emergency at least?
Because the president is not part of parliament. Of course, they COULD ask her to be president. That’s like saying the president of the ANC should be the president of SA. And lest you have forgotten, Zuma is the president of the ANC.

So who’s going to be our president now?
Well, still Mbeki until they replace him, which will happen within a few days. My guess is that it will be the deputy of the ANC, Mothantle (or however you spell it).

Its only official til he resigns in parliament, right?
Yes.

Why did they ask him to step down, because of Zuma’s shit in court?
God only knows. But it seems that it is because of Zuma’s court thing. Combined with him being a lame duck. And doing little for SA, in terms of Zuma-type policies.

Why did Mbeki listen? Was he compelled to resign?
Well, in my opinion, by resigning, he’s admitting guilt in the conspiracy against Zuma. But he also was probably forced. The facade is that he “is loyal to the ANC and its decisions”

So, ultimately, he could have chosen to stay in, but thought it would be more dignified?
Not really… the constitution doesn’t allow for the president to be a dictator, so if the cabinet overwhelmingly tells him to step down, he can’t really fight it.

How does this compare to Mugabe refusing to step down… isn’t this the same thing Zim cabinets called for?
Well, Mugabe is a dictator, Mbeki isn’t. Mugabe calls the shots, Mbeki can’t.

Can’t or wont?
Mbeki can’t challenge it. But he must go, I feel it’s a good thing. Though I do think Mbeki is a target and is being treated unfairly.

So, there you have it. One man’s opinion puts my political world into perspective, even if I don’t totally agree with all of his theories.

This is so weird for me. Usually I am as interested in politics as a stapler is, but I’m almost excited about this whole thing. It’s like my very same friend from above says, “it’s all about how it affects you. If the government had to pass a law that regulates how many shoes you’re allowed to buy, then you’d see every kugal in Sandton suddenly interested in ‘politics’. Life can’t go on if “politics” had to be removed. It is directly part of life, and it directly affects us. To be interested in it is as important as knowing what food you enjoy.”

History is in the making here, okes. Mugabe over there in Zim is big connections with this Mbeki fellow. They say that somehow they are related, which means that it must run in the family having people ask you to resign from the most important job in each respective company. Sucks to be their grannies, yo. I mean seriously, how’s that for some family Christmas lunch table talk.

Granny: “So Bob, how things going in the office, still getting rotten eggs via post?”
Bob: “yes, but not as many as Thabo gets death threats for touring the world so much”.

Alls I’m saying is that what with all of Thabo’s travel experience, he could possibly approach Mango Airlines and ask for a job.

All the cabinet ministers in Thabo’s boat will probably follow suit, too, in exploring employment, as Zuma is pretty much prepping for presidency I think – and he doesn’t like the Thabo supporters one bit.

Oh, oh, oh! I know – Manto Msimang Tshabalabalabalalalala could start a Fruit & Veg Garden Growing University in the name of support and research for the HIV/Aids cure factor. I’m just saying…

Universe: 1, SheBee: 0

So there I am on my way to see Bad Brad, a mate of mine who’s moved to Durban.  Finally – a buddy from my hometown nearby! He calls to ask me to pop in at the garage to pick up a pack of smokes. After nearly being rammed up the frigging ass by a taxi who tries to park his bonnet in my boot at the traffic lights, I turn left into the Garage and park right outside the doors of the 24hr One Stop.

Inside, I contemplate buying myself a box of smokes too, but my will to not, wins. The cashier (inaptly named ‘Intelligence’) hands over the smokes for Bad Brad and I hand over my plastic to pay for them. But out of the corner of my eye, I see my blue Chico Golf rolling backwards with its lights on.

Holy shitballs, I panic, whilst frozen in confusion and shock.

My body mock charges towards the door, then stops in doubt, then starts again, then stops at the fucking electric- door- that- won’t- open- quick- enough, damnit! Ten million years later, I manage to exit the One Stop at the speed of light to the sounds of Intelligence and crew in the shop behind me “Haaibo and Eish’ing” to their hearts content, convinced I’ve just done a runner.

Tearing up to the outside the car window, I scream at the man sitting in the driving spot:

DUDE! PRESS ON THE BREAKS! ITS ROLLING BACK, PRESS- ON- THE- FUCKING- BREA-hey, wait! Excuse me please, but why the fuck are you driving my car?

*please insert murderous thoughts here*

YOU GET OUT OF MY CAR YOU CRIMINAL! GET! OUT! PETROL DUDES, YOU GUYYYYS – HE’S STEALING MY CAR, MAN! CALL THE POLICE, DIPSHITS!

Rapidly the man rolls down the window, looking terrified, “Please! L-l-lady! Calm down, please, calm down! What is it that you want? I have no money on me! Do you have you, do you got a gun, laydee?”

My thoughts: What? What?! What the hell would he ask if I had a gun f– oh, shit. Oh no…

Cringingly, I look up and around me a little bit. Oh please god, no.

Over the roof of this blue Chico Golf, I see another, bluer, Chico Golf.  Right in the next parking bay to this particular blue Chico Golf THAT I THINK IS BEING STOLEN, I see MY blue Chico Golf.  Right next to it.  In the next parking bay.  Untouched and unstarted.  Not being stolen in the slightest manner of any way.

I. Have. Not. The. Words.

Ever wondered what a normal ‘news’ day is in SA?

• Here is an interesting one about a guy who got pissed at his two mates so stabbed a chick, went home & knifed his mom, then spiked his dad while sleeping in his bed, stole his moms car and drove to a little clutchplate town called Orkney.  As Karma would have it, he crashed the car which then forced him to leg it a while til he got to a rail way track, where he was then squished to death by a train.  Bugger!
• Another one to read is about a 23 year old undead man. Apparently.  Pay R5 to see the boy who lived (again)!
• Wanna steal our almost gold-like status electricity?  Be careful, you might just get the befuckery beaten out of you and walk around with a frikken snake tied around your neck!

Life in South Africa.  Never a dull moment.  Hey, I got through this entire post without having the electricity trip, once!

In keeping with tradition of SA, I repost!

I thought I would join in with the rest of SA bloggers and repost something I wrote a while back:

Dear Eskom,

I hope you are happy you fuckin assholes, I have just lost six months worth of work because you decide you need to do some “power line” in the middle of fucking nowhere to give electricity to a bunch of people who probably prefer using gas stoves anyway.

Also, since the ENTIRE CITY is in complete fucking darkness, I cannot see other than using my cell phone light, which will not last long, as the battery is dead and I won’t be able to recharge it, innit?

Oh, and also, the weather is so devestatingly disgusting, my hair looks like complete shit which is also your fault as I cannot use a hair dryer.

In closing, I would like to say a big Fuck You to all of everyone of you, including the Eskom contractor with the sexy legs who I will no longer perv at.

Bunch of pricks.

See the original post here.