Cooking shit with SheBee #1

If you read my last post, you’ll know that I have decided to embrace my inner house bitch.  I like domestic bliss, I think it suits me.

I’ve been experimenting in the kitchen with things that I never used to.  Ingredients like fish, for instance. I know, don’t die…  I’ve started eating my phobia.  Still can’t touch it though, Jon does that part.  So I thought I’d share my latest recipe invention:

Smoked Salmon Tagliatelle aka The Shiznizz.

Incredible Ingredients:

• 1 x Smoked salmon fillet (about 60 bucks from Woolies)
• 1 x tub of smallish creme freche or fresh cream (250ml)
• 1 x bag of tagliatelle pasta
• 1 x cup of your choice of white wine (down the rest of the bottle to prepare yourself mentally)
• 1 x Woolies fish rub spice in a bottle of awesomeness
• Handful of chives
• Handful of parsley
• 2 x bright red tomatoes
• 1x finely chopped large onion
• 1/2 yellow pepper julienne-chopped (much like judo-chopped, but not quite.  Yellow for colour, really, no other reason)
• Salt, pepper, whatever other spice you have that’ll work
• Olive oil
• 1 x Woolies sweet chili garlic roll

Method to the madness:

1. Preheat your oven to 180
2. Drizzle a little olive oil over fillet, rub in fish spices
3. On a high heated stove, flash-fry the salmon fillet for 4 minutes on the skin side just to brown it
4. Remove the fillet, place in between two plates to hold in moisture while it rests off the heat
5. Chuck the garlic roll into the oven
6. At this point, turn on another stove plate and chuck some water into a pot with a pinch of salt and some olive oil
7. Back to the pan, chuck in your onions and saute until soft and clear in a bit of olive oil
8. Add in the peppers for about two minutes, then the tomatoes, chives, and parsley
9. Spice it all up with salt and pepper to taste
10. PS: Your pot of water should be boiling by now, add in the tagliatelle and give it a stir in one minute to make sure it doesn’t stick to the bottom
11. Back to the sauteed veg, add in your cup of white wine, turn up the heat (the stove, not your dude)
12. Let the sauce come to a boil for a bit and then lower the heat considerable (’2′ on my stove works well)
13. Stir in the creme freche, taste again (add more spices if need be)
14. Once you’re happy with the sauce, carefully place your salmon fillet over the sauce in the middle of the pan, skin side facing up
15. Place a lid on it and let the steam from the sauces cook the insides of the fillet for no longer than ten minutes

Finishing up:

Keep an eye on your pasta.  Once it’s ready (shouldn’t boil for more than ten minutes ideally), pop a few fresh mini asparagus shoots into a steaming microwave bowl.  Nuke for 4 minutes. Strain, drizzle with olive oil, black pepper and salt.  Check on your garlic roll, it should be done by now.

Plate the tagliatelle in the centre of the serving dish first.  Once the fillet is flaky and cooked through, place it on top of the tagliatelle carefully so it doesn’t break.  Scoop the veggies out of the sauce and shove those bitches right on top of the fish.  Drizzle remaining cream wine sauce over it all.

Garnish with a few asparagus sprouts on top.

Eat with gusto.

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Can you believe I forgot to take a picture of the finished product?  I am a dumbass, sorry.  Let me know if any of you do this and how it turns out.

Until next time my little kitchen concubines…

xxx

You’d think the sign would say it all, right?

Yesterday Jon took me through to the Lion & Rhino Park out in the middle of nowhere, near my old farm. What an electrifying experience! Not only did I get to see baby lions, stand less than 40cm away from a real life Siberian tiger (and not a baby one either – it was big!), I also got to watch a cheetah race 4 grown human men. And, to top it all off, I nearly wee’d in my pants after I’d stopped wanting to vom, because I kinda got electrocuted.

It’s true. Jon asked me to get up and closer to take a photo of a leopard, but through the fence, he didn’t want lines in his photo. So me, being the ever obliging girlfriend, got up and personal, and got zapped at the same time. Can I just tell you – it’s really not as fun as one would think.

I heard a ZWAAAPPA! in the air and then a DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN in my ears and then a BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ in my head. Not to mention my tongue was letting off some acidic spit, my throat was on fire, I didn’t know if I should cotch, wee, cry or lay down until the urge went away. All the while, being completely grateful that I didn’t drop my new Blackberry in the leopard cage. Cos, you know, being electrocuted aside, losing my Blackberry woulda suuucked.

After my body stopped trembling and I stopped wanting to pass out, Jon asked for permission to laugh. I got the giggles. And then I nearly ran into a balding weird looking bird.

And that’s not all! Once we got back to my place, I realized that Salamander (the middle kitten, the one remaining, the one who will live at home with us) was missing. Jon and I heard him next door, in the bush, stuck in a tomato tree. He was too small to jump back over the wall and too stupid to go back the way he came, through a hole in the ground.

So I bravely mustered up all my courage, coaxed him to the sound of my voice, Jon deployed Seasea Cat (Salamander’s mom) to go fetch him, and finally he jumped up where I could grab him, through our electric fence. AND I GOT SHOCKED AGAIN!!!!!  But not before I stood barefoot, into a rotten tomato.

So, two electrical shocks later, a day of cats taking up my time, almost losing my Blackberry to a leopard (that would have trumped all my other phone stories though, in retrospect) and some QT with my giggling boyfriend, I was a little grateful the weekend came to an end. I don’t know how much more trouble I would’ve been able to live through, hey.

Happy fake Mondaze!

MiBar, Movida, Pizza & Alice in Wonderland

On Thursday night I cracked the nod to go to MiBar Martini’s launch. MiBar is a new initiative by Liquid Chefs and let me tell you, it’s fucking awesome. From moving walls* to interactive tables** to really hot barmen who make killer cocktails, this place is going places. Metaphorically speaking.

The launch was unique, fun & made me look forward to attending events there, or just popping in for a few drinks with my mates. Well done to Mango-OMC for hosting the party and to the various sponsors of the evening.

* They have this weird wall near the back bar with swimming fish (yeah, not my favourite creature) but when you sway your hand over the wall, it has a ripple effect and looks like a pond.

** When entering MiBar Martini you have to sign in with a funky touch screen PC, which then allows you to order from their interactive touch-screen tables, view who else is at MiBar’s across the board and other awesome features that I can’t remember now because I had two pink drinks of awesomeness involving rum, vodka, strawberry liquer and a martini glass. For more info, see Mi-World.co.za or go to their first branch on the corner of Keys & Tyrwhitt avenue in Rosebank.

On Saturday night Jon and I hooked up with a couple of friends for SezLeigh’s tequila 27th at Movida night club and tequila’d ourselves, we did! ExMi tells the story of how the evening progressed pretty graphically here, so pop over there and have a read.

I was literally broken yesterday. I haven’t been that tender in a very long time. At one point I almost wanted to cry a little. Especially when Jon kept making me do things. Like opening my eyelids, and breathing. It really wasn’t cool.

Two of the baby cats have now gone on to their new home. I’m so lucky to have found the best mommy in the world for them, I’m pretty sure Angel and Gluggies lives will now become as manic as mine was, those two kittens are a bloody handful, and they’ve already got three felines, so with Turk and Diva, the couple now have FIVE CATS! Insanity. I’ll miss the little buggers, but shoh – I’m relieved to have some normalcy back in my home. Two kittens down, one to go.

Saw Alice in Wonderland 3D yesterday. Meh. Johnny Depp looks so strange in character I wonder if I’ll ever be able to fantasize visualise him normal again.

Anyway. I’m about to inhale a pizza.  Back to Mondaze, hope you all have a fantastic week!

Test Post From BlogDesk

In order to save me some time when blogging, I downloaded this cool little app thingie. I will now upload an image of utter seriousness to see if this thing works, as well as tag this post in a few random categories. I’d appreciate your feedback of my awesomeness soonest.

Cats are being picked up on Sunday, btw. Awwwww. I’m going to be so bleak without the little shits.

Also, I have 4 up-coming late nights and I’m shitting meself. I’m old(ish) you know… I can’t be doing these things anymore.

Okay. ‘Till later. Luff you.

I am in love

With the lead singer of the Parlotones.  I have no idea what his name is, but his eyes freak me out in such a good way.  I have bumped Ryan Kankowski down to a lower pedestal in order to have this dudes babies.  Brangelina’s kid can kiss our kids ass in the looks department.  Combine my brains, wit, humour and beauty with his eyes?  Pssh, no contest.  Har har.  I mayke a jo-ke.

Seriously though, that band definitely deserves the title of South Africa’s no. 1 and their energetic performance on stage made up for my sore feet, standing up in an over crowded club that reminded me of being back in the school science lab, and getting hit on by weird looking vaalies in muscle vests with crocs on their feet.

I have to sign off now and go roll into my bed.  A Breakfast in Pita at 2am from Bimbo’s is hard work to digest, yo.

Bogged Up, not down

I am one of those people that cannot do my business in anyone else’s toilet besides my own and a select few others, for example; my mom, B’s house or sometime at my dad. But only when everyone is far away and very busy so that I know I wont be missed. I can then poo in peace.

This weekend, I added someone to that list, that would be Kimbo’s boyfriends farm house. It is huge, therefore I felt comfortable (and very desperate) enough to do my thang. Except I didn’t bargain on the toilet not flushing.

I couldn’t ask Kimbo what to do as I had bargained on everyone busying themselves in the kitchen having coffee, and not noticing that I wasn’t there. Eyeing out that top bit of the toilet, I decide that it can’t be too difficult to make it flush, right? Wrong.

The minute I pulled the pump thingy up, I knew I had made the gravest of errors. Without hesitation, the murky water in the toilet bowl started rising. And rising and rising and rising.

Dear Moses, what had I done? The water was now flowing out from under the toilet seat and onto the floor, all over my blue and white cloud printed jarmies. I stood there in a blind panic, now they would surely know. How utterly embarrassing! In a flash of brilliance, I was smart enough to push the plastic balloon thing back so the flood stopped mid air.

Aside from the toilet paper roll I had just dropped on the floor and into the water (which had now drenched the bathroom mat and tiles), there was nothing I could use to clean up. Except for what was in the bathroom next door. Holding up the bottom of my pants, I silently tip toe down the corridor to the next bathroom, leaving a trail of wet footprints, and grab a handful of dirty towels from the laundry basket.

Satisfied the floor is at least dry, I pop into my bedroom and change the clothes which are now soaking wet. I didn’t want to, but knew I had to admit to what had just happened. Which happened to be over breakfast in the dining room, where everyone was snacking on bacon and eggs.

Kimbo’s bf Wallnut starting giggling as soon as I told my tale, until he was reminded that as he had not bothered to have the toilet fixed weeks ago, he would be the one to unblock the godforsaken thing.

Amoungst much laughter, he performed a brilliant running commentry to us (still eating bacon and eggs at the table) of each function and movement he was making, through the walls of the house. Colours, textures, look-a-likes, barfing sounds and blocked-nose syllables.

"Gross, Sheena – it looks like a kidney!"
"Omygod, I think it just gave birth to another one!"
"Yup, thats definately a spawn of the last one"
"Di doo eat buch bexican food?"

I am never going to be able to live this down or, more importantly, be able to poo anywhere in peace again.