Still thinking of you Drew.  Not daily anymore, but probably once or twice a month.  Hah, you’d roll in your grave. Asshole.

/nostalgic surreality/

Something not many of you know was that almost the entirety of Andrew’s and my relationship was online.  He died the morning of when he was on his way down to meet me.  I spoke to him the night before and said good night, I was too busy and distracted to notice that he sounded weird on the phone.

Talking to her today brought back so many emotions.  So many crazy memories of talking to him until the early hours, drunken messages from each respective group of friend’s parties, emails of love letters trying to outdo each other with words, report backs on each movement of every event in every day.

I remember the first time we realized that our chats had become something more… substantial.  It was a simulrealization.  Both of us stopped dead at the exact moment and went “but fuck!  Hold on, I think I am in love with you! Oh jesus.  This is TERRIBLE!”

I remember getting to know all of his friends and chatting to them on skype.  I remember being jealous over every little reference he made to any woman.  I remember going over an editorial issue with a phrase in his book one night for HOURS.  I remember hating the fact that he refused to let me call his place mine, but he could call mine his.

I laughed at the time about all our plans and how absurd they sounded while I made them with someone I hadn’t ever met.  I cried when he said that on our first “date” he would have to tie his willy in a knot.  I died when he said he’d rather smell me, see how I fit under his arm pit, how he’d test out how comfy my couch was for mid TV-watching sex.  I sighed when he commanded me to rid myself of the habit of letting my pets sleep in bed with me, as it would not happen if we were to share a life together.

Ultimately, after months and weeks and days and hours, when Andrew finally got his head out of his book and I agreed to stop being a pretentious snob, we made arrangements to meet.  We were both terrified.  Sadly, he died that morning.  So I still don’t know.  But I can guarantee you that I have never felt so close to someone as I did that stranger of a man who knocked me to my knees.

It’s been one whole year, the second death of someone I adore, 12 months of getting over him and about 5 men later.  This other dude I’m seeing is the only one who’s held my attention for longer than two weeks.  But I haven’t forgotten about Andrew.  I don’t think I ever will.

I’m not talking about dating online, but what about meeting someone via other means of the internet and holding a connection… do you think there’s potential for something more than just a chat buddy?

I most certainly do.