But for the grace of support…

baboooIt’s in the quiet moments where I sit and contemplate how the outcome of Brandon’s drama could have actually been had the doctors not said he’d live.  It’s in the silence where I imagine trying to keep my younger brother Dazz’s spirits up without having Baboo there to support him in the way he does so well, usually, or imagining what my mother would be like without her FC darling boy… he always made up where Dazz and I messed up, he truly was an angel child and do-gooder.  It’s when I hold my brother’s hand while he sleeps and look at him wincing in pain, moaning and fighting off bad dreams that I pray to the universe / God / some entity with utter appreciation and gratitude that my brother is alive and is experiencing this instead of the nothingness that comes with death.

It’s in the darkness of the hospital waiting room, on the couch, while everyone sleeps that I try and control the angry tears that pour down my face.  Thoughts flow like a river:  How can someone disregard a life so easily and without thought?  That man is dead now, I wonder what his family must be thinking.  Would they be told the truth?  Have they identified his body?  Did he have children?  Will they grow up to live the same wayward lifestyle?  What will we South African’s be like in ten years time if crime is this bad now?

It’s in the glare of the early morning sunlight that I smile down as he gets frustrated with the straw not getting his apple juice into his mouth fast enough.  He’s unable to do anything for himself just yet, but we’ve created a ‘Chop code’ for when he needs stuff done and he’s too tired to talk.  One blink for ‘yes’, two for ‘no’, hand squeeze for ‘I love you’.  He squeezes our hands a lot.  He’s doing so well, I don’t know how, but he is doing so well. My heart is so warm and I am so grateful.  We all are.

This entry was posted in Baboo.


  1. Jeanette says:

    It’s so not fair that he was hurt this much.
    I hope that he recovers very very fast. Sounds like he’s a very determined and strong person!

    • Marzena says:

      – Hi there. I hope that Baboo is doing very well and so glad you have so much positivity to share on the book. We woekrd very hard on trying to make the artwork exciting and realistic. I wonder if I could use the photo of you from above, where you are holding the camera and taking a picture of the book overlaying yourself, as I would just like to pop it next to some artwork on the website when I update it next. Thanks so much. Arran Lewis

  2. 8UNNI says:

    As I said on the phone we all love you and we are all there for you!
    You are super strong but in the moments that you can’t be we ALL have you back!

  3. Laura says:

    Hey you! Only read about all this after the fact! So glad he is doing better. Sorry tho that you all had to go thro the turmoil and hearache something like this brings with it!

    ((HUGS)) and thoughts are with your family!

  4. Stalker says:

    hunny your a tough cookie and you have been through so much not only in the last month with your brother and carrot but as far back as I can remember,

    being so far away and wanting to stamp my feet in fustration and say I give up and come home with my tail between my legs, and the only thing stopping me is looking at you, it teaches me to have strenght and shows me things are not as bad as they could be, your my supernova so keep shining for me, for your mom, for your fans and mostly now for your brother.

    Love you so much xxxx

  5. Jay says:

    my boet was stabbed two years ago. And I feel like he died on that night. He is now leaving the country but he has never been the same so it’s not like I am losing my brother. I lost him that night to those pigs who did it. I hope your brother gets help for his head and heart as well as his body.

  6. sass says:

    i just happened upon this via a tweet from po – i’m so sorry that your brother, you and your family are going through this. my brother is a metro cop in cape town and i also worry that something like this might happen to him.
    the one amazing thing about the internet though, is how it can corral and focus people’s energy where it is needed and i’m sure your brother is receiving healing energy from around the world. here’s a little bit more from me. hugs to you and yours. and strength.

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