Bewitched by a bitch.

Rush, rush, rush.  Hurry, the robot just turned orange! Ah, shit – stupid taxi mother-trucker cut me off!

I was late, as usual.  Jon – who had kindly driven to my house to pick up decent clothes for me to wear, was already in the parking lot waiting for me to show up so we could walk in.  I hurriedly changed my clothes behind two open car doors and was tempted to apply decent make-up, but I knew that would be pushing it.

I’d forgotten that morning when getting dressed that I’d been invited to see Gareth Cliff’s show recording, straight after work.  Had Jon not kindly accepted to be my Knight In Shining Audi, gatherer of decent clothes, I would’ve rocked up in jean pant, flip flops & a beach top.  What? Yes, I know I live in Joburg now, doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate the sun by wearing my old beach clothes!

Anyway, the security dudes directed us to the wrong entrance and we accidentally ended up getting an unofficial tour of the back stage set. The chickie in charge made me giggle.  “If you guys had driven into the back of an informal settlement shack, there’d be someone’s lost dog here right now, to bite you on the ass”. I liked her.  She whoreganised us seats to get into the control room half way through the show too.

Seeing Gareth in person was cool.  He’s actually a pretty good presenter, admittedly I haven’t actually seen his show on TV, but that all changes tonight! Bergen was bold enough to ask a challenging question whilst in the audience, and he premiers tonight on Mnet at 8pm. Jon says he’s PVR’d it, set up in HD and wants popcorn and everything to watch it.  So, you over there, watch it, look for a dude in a blue striped shirt and a smile made of win.  Then come back here and tell me how awesome my bff is.

Cath from Cape Town joined us too, and despite making me snort once the lights were turned down, twenty milliseconds before going live, at the thick-as-pig-shit shmodels, she was awesome company.

Angel & Neels had to hold me while I cry-laughed at one dutchie who should never have been allowed to speak on live television tried to attempt the word “Economy”.  Except, wiff being Offrikons and getting mixed up, it came out “EcoNOM”.  Three times.  “ECOnom.  EcoNOM? Econom…  ee.

I nearly died.

Of course, I was a total badass and took illegal pictures.  Couldn’t let you guys down, come now!

Jon, Anglug.  Blurred, but fine.

Jon, Anglug. Blurred, but fine.

Cluck-off & Bergles.  Happeh.

Cluck-off & Bergles. Happeh.

Proof that I was in the control room.  Listening to the dudes swearing.

Proof that I was in the control room. Listening to the dudes swearing.

The chickie controlling Gareth's tele-prompter. Word.

The chickie controlling Gareth's tele-prompter. Word.

Was so tempted to tackle DJ Fresh (he was on the panel) and get him to say hi in a photo, but I was shy.  For real.

Received such a cute email, and although I usually delete them immediately, I read a few lines, then read a few more, then snotted at my desk imagining how cute my next kid is going to be when I eventually pop it out.  My kid will totally come out with these lines, or better:

How Mom’s Are Made:

  • Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring
  • They had to get their start from men’s bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think

Why Did God Make Mom’s?

  • To help us out of there when we were getting born

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?

  • God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Moms like me.

What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?

  • His last name.
  • She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?
  • Does he make at least R800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your Dad?

  • My Grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

  • On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
  • You know, her hair. I’d die it.  Maybe blue.

How cute?

Right, so now that that’s all out the way – I’m about to write my living will after this post has been published.  My life is officially over:

Ryan.  Quite obviously bewitched by a bitch.

Ryan. Quite obviously bewitched by a bitch.

I’m heart broken. Send the love-police, there’s been malicious damage to my internal property.

You remember my love affair with Ryan, don’t you?

7 comments

  1. Shebee says:

    Cath – I know. I know I know I know 😀

    Angel – this is true, I must admit, at least he waited 4 months… Still, the pain is at its rawest.

  2. Jon says:

    I loved the “changing gears”, we had a whole long laugh about that one… in the control room… snort laughing during the taping….. trying to act inconspicuous……. failing. 😉 hehehe

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