Anxiety.

I used to embrace change.  Thrived on it, in fact.  I looked forward to adjustments, learning new things, finding new solutions, getting used to new situations.  And then I met Jon and that all changed.  He taught me to plan, organise, think ahead, study every angle, weigh in all the pros and cons.

And you know what they say; what has been learned cannot be unlearned.  And now I can’t bloody stop!  I over analyse everything.  Britt told me on the phone the other day that my brain will start smoking if I don’t slow down my thoughts.  She’s right.  I can feel my brain over-heating sometimes.  The world spins really fast and I sometimes need to go lie down until the feeling goes away.

For instance, the fact that I’ve decided I need a new laptop.  A personal one to write my book with.  One that can live at home and not have to travel between my office and back.  Next to Jon’s nerd corner upstairs.  What started with “Oh, I just want a cheapie that can run MS Word, nothing major” has now become a fully blown Mac fest.  MUST. HAVE. APPLE. PRODUCT.  NEEEEEEEEED THE NEW MAC BOOK PRO.  Which wouldn’t be a problem except they only START AT TWENTY THOUSAND RONTS!

But pricing aside, the fact that I may need to get to know a new laptop has me anxious.  Like, I dreamt about it all of last night anxious.

And then, because FNB offers really awesome Apple products, I decided to finally take the plunge and switch banks.  I’ve been thinking about it for ages, but didn’t have a major motivation.  I’m glad I did though, because they’ve upgraded me significantly to a group other than ‘pleb’, but now I’ve got to embrace a new pin, and fill in debit order switching forms, and change my banking details at work to get my salary and then I was overcome with OHMYGODTHISMEANSMYSALARYWONTCLEARIMMEDIATELYANYMORE!  thoughts.  And I got anxious.

I think I’m getting anxious right now just because I’m anxious about so many other things.  Is that possible?  Giving oneself anxiety of anxiety?

Shew, I need to go lay down again…

6 comments

  1. MeeA says:

    WAAAHAHAhahaha!

    If it makes you feel any better, I just sent a client an email asking how much pain she wanted to order from me, instead of paint. 😛

    I recently bought a keyboard for my iPad and will be downloading Pages, Numbers and Keynote soon, so I’ll be able to do pretty much whatever I need to on the iPad. Until I can afford a Macbook, that is.

    And I’ve also just switched to FNB because I am sick to death of the crappy service from my previous bank. I’m actually expecting delivery of my card today. 🙂

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