All my life I wanted to be …

… a lame house wife on TV who smiles like she has a carrot stuck up her bum when advertising devestatingly exciting cleaning products such as veet, preen & toilet duck cleaners. 

I wanted to wear sensible clothes with buttons all the way up to my neck and have my hair in a bun with perfect court shoes and a frilly aprin around my waist. 

I wanted the ‘All-American’ husband and the average 2.4 children (one boy, one girl and one bun in the oven) while driving in my family station wagon. 

I wanted to be average and smile for the camera and make millions at home either roll their eyes in jealousy or vomit in disgust.


I just want to be me.  Simple and strange and different.  I like that.