A looooong brain fart. Cos I feel like it.

If you’ve been anywhere near twitter or one of my IM accounts, you would have heard the rumours of me moving to Johannesburg.  Yes, it’s true.  No, I don’t know why I’m doing it – it just feels right in my gut.  So many things happen here in the land of concrete, smog & stone.  And in the last few weeks of me being here, more things have happened for me personally and for my magazine than in all of the time I spent in Durban.

I gave notice on my flat at the beginning of the month already, I had been here less than a week but I think subconsciously I had already decided that a change was imminent and that I wasn’t going back there.  I’ll miss Seh and Kords so much, we really had such a good understanding going on.  The friendship will continue though. I’ll miss Simbatoffee, the cat who peed on my bed all the time, but Seh loves him enough for all of us in order for me to not feel bad about leaving yet another pet behind.  Most of all, I’ll miss being so close to my family.  Cam and Arfur would come around weekly, and Jazz and Cinderella were only a phone call away if ever I wanted to get out and do something different.  My friends Cath & Justin & Jubs & Shar were all in and around Durban, so I’ll miss the nearer vicinity more than them, purely because we all communicate through technology more than anything else anyway.

Sure, my family doesn’t approve.  Sure, my friends are upset with me.  Sure, it’s caused a massive fucking bone of huge contention with basically everyone who doesn’t live in Jozi, but I just know that I have to do this for me, now.  My mom.  Sigh.  She’s not a happy chappy.  She worries I’m going off on a tangent again, doing my own thing.  Making a mistake.  Giving up my family to chase another pipe dream.  But honestly, I’m 25 this year, there’s only so long I can sit around and hope my dreams fall magically into my lap.  It’s time I start living them, or at least trying to chase them long enough until something gives and I get my own way.

Durban was my biggest step towards total adulthood and independence.  It was a time in my life where I made good, life long friends and for the first time in my life I was totally responsible for my actions in every way, I didn’t have my mom just ten km’s up the road should I need money for milk and bread or just someone to put my head down on a lap and cry until my problems were taken care of.  A lot of that had to do with Cath.  With her as a friend and flatmate, she eased me into the transition of being a young(ish) mommy’s girl to an independant woman.  I remember clearly the first thing she said to me after we agreed on moving in together:  “this room, Sheen, the room you’re moving into, is the very same room I started my adult life.  I hope it will be the same for you.  I hope you will grow in the same personal way I did, in this room”.  And it was.  It was my first taste of city living (I had moved up from the small town suburban life, if you remember), it was my first personal achievement in the way I made a success of my job, the way I made a name for myself in the marine industry, the way I grew in confidence, independence & self control.  The way I relied on myself with my friends support.  The way I learnt to have a melt down without running back home to put my tail between my legs every time something went wrong.  And oh, they so went wrong sometimes.

But more importantly, things went right.  In gaining all this personal growth, I learnt to trust my own instinct.  Instinct on people, intuitions, impulse & actions.  And so far, one year down the line, I feel like I’ve come out on the other end a better, stronger person.  And I didn’t resort to my cave very seriously like I used to in the past.  But learning from the past, has made me realise it’s time to start thinking of the future.

Here in Jhb, I have the opportunity to live a quiet writers life.  I have enough income to let me live but more importantly, enough time in the day to be dedicated to my writing.  I need to really knuckle down and get some work into NerdMag.  Things are going insanely well for this little mag of mine and I am so immensely proud of the work my business partner, Shawn, and I have put into it, along with the brilliant brain feeds and articles of the contributing writers, suggestions from readers & input from external businesses.  I feel that we’ve tapped into a market that is not only ripe for the picking, but waiting for someone to kick its ass to the wall and I plan on instigating all of that.

I think it’s time to say, dear readers of mine, that finally The SheBee is growing up.  I even have frown lines to prove it.  But laugh lines too, which is so much more important.

So, yes.  I’m moving to Jozi.  And I think I’ll be okay.

11 comments

  1. acidicice says:

    I don’t get these ‘gut’ feelings. Either that or I don’t notice them. I say go with your gut if that is what will make *you* happy.

    I’m glad nerdmag is doing well 🙂 JHB isn’t *too* far from DBN…you could still visit everyone.

  2. mylifescape says:

    i moved from CT to Jozi in Aug – got the whole -> what ARE you thinking *rolling eyes* bla bla fish…. and mostly from people who haven’t ever been to joburg… i mean… REALLY now!!! anyway… i LOVE it and its the fab people that make the ride worthwhile!! 🙂 You’ll have a blast and Jozi already loves you!! welcome!

  3. justB[coz] says:

    That’s BRILLIANT!!!

    Yip, Joburg’s where the money’s at 😀

    And quite honestly, if there are mistakes to be made, or dreams to be realised, they’re YOURS, not your mom’s.

  4. Louisa says:

    Good for you Shebee! 🙂 Don’t let other people tell you where you need to be. (I’m not just saying that because I’m happy to have you in JHB by the way). 😉

  5. flarkus says:

    Jozi is a busy, bustling, berserk town if you ask me. You’re very brave to come searching for the next phase, but power to you.

    Just one little tip: try and find a safe spot as close as you can to the place where you’ll be working from. Hopefully that will be writing from home 🙂

Comments are closed.