A little bit of a sit you asian.

When I fell pregnant I pretty much stayed at home all the time and didn’t see anyone outside of my family really, except for Sam, Brandon’s girlfriend.  Although Sam was relatively younger than me, she was always more than happy to hang around and do nothing with me, massage my back, do my nails, bring over DVD’s or just sit and read a magazine next to me.

When Kiera came around and was brought home, Sam was excellent with her.  She was always around to help out or to babysit for an hour while I went to my room, closed the door and put a pillow over my head to drown out the household noise and just sleep.

Her and my brother were together for a long time, 5 years I think, and considering they were really young when they met (16 or 17 I think) that’s pretty impressive.  She’s featured in my blog a few times before and if you read those you’ll see that she was really part of our family, formerly known as SIL (Sister In Law).  But things change, people break up and we all move on.  Except that for the last year and a bit, I’ve really missed having Sam in my life.

I know it’s selfish, I know that I shouldn’t be in contact with her because my loyalties do (and always will) lie with my brother (she broke up with him, cheated on him, in fact, and left him just before he got shot and then again straight after he came out of hospital – so not only did my brother lose his home, his mobility, his dignity and his youth, he lost his one high school sweetheart and true love as well, all at the same time) but I still missed Sam.  I mean, her and I had become really close friends.  So today, after resisting for over a year and a half, I sent her a message on Facebook.

Nothing hectic, just wishing her well for impending motherhood (she’s engaged and pregnant [same guy she left my brother for] and will pop any day) and I kind of wanted to get some closure on the whole thing.  I mean, one day we were friends and the next day we weren’t.  I have to say, even though I feel very guilty for “betraying”, I feel even more at peace.  She’s okay, I’m okay, we’re okay.  We’re not friends anymore, we both realize the impossibility of that, but if I had to accidentally run into her at a coffee shop one day, it wouldn’t be the most awkward of conversations, you know?

Anyway.  Was I wrong? Should I have respected my brother’s (unspoken) wishes and kept my distance? Should I have left well enough alone?  You tell me.  Because damnit, I feel so bad!

10 comments

  1. Bridget says:

    Hmmm… Don’t feel bad. You weren’t rekindling, you were saying a proper goodbye, something you weren’t allowed/or allowed yourself earlier.

  2. Tanya says:

    no, i dont think u did a bad thing.

    i had a sort of similar thing (but not as close to home)… my stukkies brother had a GF and they broke up… i am still friends with this chick, even tho everyone else in the group thinks she is the devil.

    pee ess LMAO @ sit you asian!!!

  3. cassey says:

    I think it’s great that you allowed yourself to say goodbye. And I’m sure your brother will understand that it’s about you getting closure too.

  4. Tara says:

    Eish honey I’ve been there. My bro’s wife cheated on him and was knocked up with the dudes kid etc etc

    Thing is, since she had been my sister in law for a few years and we did eventually get along, she was the one person I could talk to about some things so I ended up phoning her eventually. It wasn’t too weird and we caught up and said a proper goodbye and what not. After a while of thinking about it I did end up telling my bro and you know, he wasn’t too bothered about it. He understood that it was something I needed to do.

    While your loyalties do lie with your fandamily, you can still say hey without the guilt. Don’t worry about it, it is closure for you and it’s a good time to do it after you’ve gained some perspective and what not. Hopefully B will see it the same way 🙂

  5. LAINA says:

    Aww Sheen, You did no wrong. It was Brands and Sam who broke up not you and Sam, but as you say Family Loyalty is everything. e.g Dad and Danny & I. It is so hard when couples break up as it affects the whole family, and we all losers in the end. I too miss Sammie, and havent spoken to her since the break up, but am so glad to hear she is happy, and expecting a baby. She was a lovely lady who loved us all in her special way. I miss her too. Love L xxxxx

  6. Angel says:

    For me, peronally, ex is ex. And unless there are children involved there’s absolutely no reason to have any contact at all. It is heartsore, especially if you really did get to like a siblings’ other half, but I don’t believe in being friends with ex people, there’s just too much history.
    At the same time, if she’s been on your mind, then there was a reason for that. I don’t believe people’s names pop into our heads randomly. We think about them because there is a need to contact them for something.

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