A hovercraft stole my sense of humour – call the Po-po!

So. I’m fighting tooth and nail to keep my sense of humour in working order. I still have my moments, but they are out weighed by the fleeting thoughts of ‘Oh my gawwwd, I am jobless! I shall have no bed to sleep in, I am going to lose my animals, no one will love them like I do, I am going to live in a fucking card board box if I don’t figure out what to do, like, soon!

It is at this point in time where I would like to thank all of you for your reassurance, and offers, some wild and some genuine. I have a few options so far, actually. My head is full of ideas and scenarios and dread and excitement.

One thing is for certain, I have really come to appreciate my blog and all the people who live in it with me. Without you guys I would be really going insane. So, thank you. For the laughs, the links, the suggestions, the sympathy and for the companionship, basically.

At the moment it looks like I will be going to Cape Town for a much needed break, but also to meet up with Richard, who many of you doubt. Take it from me, he is a cool dude. And a very good friend. We are throwing around a few ideas and will chuck out suggestions and bounce them around. I’m hoping to just have some time with someone who understands my passion for writing, blogging and commiserates with the fact that I’m not too keen to get stuck in another office job here on the south coast. More importantly, I am hoping to have fun. With him. By myself. I need a break from normality and Richard is offering me that. Plus the fact that he is extending his generosity to just let me be me, no strings attached.

I feel the need to explain this out loud. For a few reasons. Mainly, because I feel guilty that I have decided to move on with my life so shortly after Andrew died. It isn’t a way to find a new boyfriend, but the fact that I’m going to stay with another male would have been enough to upset him. Especially Richard, whom he admired so much with a touch of jealousy in the way that we had become such firm friends so quickly. I made Andrew work, you see. Richard didn’t have to, we just clicked immediately. Andrew was tested, tried and eventually found guilty of stealing my heart. Only when I finally stopped mistrusting his ability to finish my sentences did I relax with him. See the difference?

Pity the fucker had to go and die on me straight afterwards though. Asshole. I’m still not speaking to him, I’m angry. Maybe one day I will make peace with his spirit. In the meantime, I’m hanging onto what we had. With sadness, anger and very much affection for the man he would have been in my life.

Sorry. Got a bit distracted there. Anyway. So, I’m going to Cape Town. Maybe for good, maybe not. I’m still doing the visa and passport thing, just to see how it pans out. Either way, right now I know I need to get out of this place. As much as my heart is in conflict about it, the universe (Amy – my hippie friend – you are going to love this bit) the universe is telling me I need to have a change of scenary. I’m not meant to be here, and I know this with every fibre of my being.

Thats it for now. You now know where my head is at, what my future plans possibly could be, and I hope that I didn’t confuse you too much trying to explain it all to you. Lord alone knows how confused about this situation I am already. I don’t need you darlings to make it worse for me by not understanding either.

Aside: My shoutbox is not visible to me on the blog, is anyone else having issues seeing it?