1998 – I was 14, obnoxious, curious about boys and everything that came with them. My mother gave me the “be wise, condomise. Don’t be a silly billy, put a condom on his willy” speech every.single.fucking.day.
1999 – At 15 I had decided I no longer needed the infrastructure known as ‘education’. As far as I was concerned life school seemed much more effective. Myself and a friend, Tazz, convinced our mothers to let us drop out of high school and join up with the local cool kids and attend Technikon.
2000 – I rang in the New Year with bells and whistles…of an ambulance, as I was rushed to hospital with a drug overdose. I waited years to tell my mother the truth, she believed the story of my drink being spiked and was devastated. And then proclaimed that sometimes knowing the real story wasn’t always better.
2001 – I met my first serious boyfriend. He drove a beat up old rust bucket with a VW label on the bonnet. Upon popping my cherry he promptly broke up with me. I then discovered the art of women’s wiles and charm and won him back overnight only to sleep with the bastard and break up with him. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
2002 – dropping out of Tech, I then decided I would rather be a working woman and prove to my mother just how responsible I could be. Well, I wasn’t. I spent my days sleeping in ‘til 11 and my afternoons on the beach with the surfers who would then drop me off at Spur where I would waitress and make lots of cash dollar. Fell in love with a doos named Nick. My mother hated him instantly.
2003 – having met Nick, I was convinced I had to move out of home with him and go to the bush, where I would work with game rangers on a lodge and have a good time. Only, I got knocked up. Coming home with my tail between my legs, my mother and I finally became friends. I realized why she loved me the way she did when I looked into my daughters eyes for the first time.
2004 – upon turning my entire life around, I had just gotten into the groove of being a good girl when Kiera died. Jacques moved in and I had my first responsible adult relationship. It was torrential. We fought constantly and I ended up having him hate me.
2005 – Jacques moved out and I ended my first responsible adult relationship. I tried my hand at moving out of home the right way round, with my childhood friend Andy. I was already over the novelty of clubbing, since I’d done it since the age of fifteen, but good gawd I learnt how to pub crawl. Every night a different bar, with different friends who would inevitably follow me home and we’d cook frozen veggies at 4am. Sadly Andy and I are no longer friends due to my linen being rather important to me and me alone. Its a long story.
2006 – I started earning good money with a responsible job and lots of respect. Pity I fucked it all up by falling in love with the boss. Moved into my first home that belonged to me and me alone.
2007 – Went into business with a friend managing his art galary. Met Andrew. Let go of Andrew when he died. Got retrenched. Gave up my home, had my animals adopted and sold all my furniture to moved to Cape Town.
2008 – high tailed my ass out of Cape Town. Holidayed in Johannesburg for a while. Went back to my original boss temporarily to help her sort out her current life crisis. Holidayed in The Berg with the girls. Met Cath, moved in with Cath, fell in love with Durban, found dream job (which pays horribly) moved out from Cath and spend recent nights talking to a young man on the phone about K shaped pillows. I laugh a lot, discuss everything and everything with everyone, smile daily,get into bed exhausted but fulfilled.
Well, my theory is, it certainly can’t get any worse from here on out. So, here’s to the next ten years of being Me!
Tell me about your last ten years!
And if I haven’t tagged you, its not because I don’t love you with my whole heart, its because I thought you needed a break.