8 395

I had a moment this morning and calculated how many days old I am. Wanna know the answer?

It has been 8 395 days since my momma’s life changed somewhat by shooting me out of her cooter. I think it must have been a fun event. I looked like a monkey with a mop of black hair and big brown eyes that kinda freaked every one out. But I was a sexy looking baby, not like some babies you get with lots of drool and that smell funky, oh no – not me.

Anyway, what was I saying? Nothing? Oh ok, new topic:

Things I have learned from being on this green earth for 8 395 loooong ass days:

  1. Unless you are a poo-stabber yourself, never ever assume the right to call homosexual people a faggot. Or Gay-bunny. Or Moffie*.
  2. Do you have black skin? yes? Okay, then you may call another person with black skin ‘nigger’.
  3. Every day, no matter what time I drive through the one area that has no radio signal, my favourite song will be playing and will be ruined by static.
  4. Most men who seem too good to be true, usually are. In my case every single one of them WERE.
  5. Irony is meeting the love of your life, and then seeing why you cannot be together as he takes hold of his girlfriends hand.
  6. Death is out of your control, and no matter how many times you cross finger, say prayers, hold thumbs, light candles or just plain plead with your higher being, it will still be out of your control.
  7. The colour pink can truly make you happy if you wear it, look at it or eat it. Whatever floats your boat, Captain.
  8. That bird flying infront of your car windscreen will shit on it and not the next car. BUT:
  9. You will make a hundred friends during this time, yet only two or three will stick around, and you will find that these few are more than enough to keep you busy and loved and laughing
  10. growing up as a child, I would say atleast until the first 8 000 days, you will think your Mother is a dork and only when she recognises you as an adult, you will start to do the same. The mother-daughter relationship will stay there forever but a more mature & understanding friendship starts to develope. Even if the mother laughs at her daughters dorky stories, or if the daughter teases the mother for her SM knowledge-lack thereof.

* My personal favourite