At 5:45 am this morning I rolled over and sighed, and then promptly hit the roof.  My throat was on fire, I couldn’t breathe through my nose and had difficulty swallowing.  I reached over and grabbed my hand mirror, shone the light of my iPhone into it and had a peek at my tonsils.  Bright red with little white pustules, never a good sign.  Especially on one’s own 29th birthday.

I looked over to Jon’s side of the bed which was empty and my first thought was that he’d forgotten it was my birthday and had left for work already.  I listened out for sounds around the house and heard nothing.  Convinced I was alone, I sent an SMS asking where he was.


So I got out of bed, tried unsuccessfully to blow my nose (blocked, too blocked to do anything) and looked at myself in the mirror trying to discover any new wrinkles.  Nope, still only 3 and a half, around my eyes.  Laugh lines, that’s not too bad I think.  And then something catches my eye, a grey hair right smack in the middle of my right eyebrow.  Fuck.

My phone beeps just as I was about to have a cry and it’s Jon telling me to go back to sleep and he’ll see me shortly.  Oh thank God, he didn’t forget.  I hear footsteps around the house and feel the relief wash all over me.  I’ve never really been an emotional birthday person, but it hits me how desperately I didn’t want to welcome this year in alone.   From pure joy, or at least that’s what I try and convince myself, I burst out crying.  Jon walks into the bedroom with a beaming smile and a huge bunch of my favourite flowers and stops instantly when he sees my tear covered face.  He’s never seen me like this on my birthday.  Hell, I’ve never seen me like this on my birthday.

He comes over and slips in under the duvet with me to be the big spoon while I snot all over his pyjamas for no apparent reason at all.  I can only put it down to feeling absolutely rotten physically.  I’ve no other reason to be like this.

Presents help though, I open two gigantic wrapped boxes, both of which are the most amazing gifts (YES, I GOT MY K-MIX!!!!! Thank you to everyone who contributed!) and start to feel a little bit happier.  A phone call with my mother and I’m starting to feel a little bit lighter too.  And then Jon goes to make coffee after he ran me a bubble bath.  I sit in the bath and sip the vanilla latte and watch as my tears drip over my nose, down my belly button and plop into the bathwater, popping bubbles as they go.

I’m 29.  I feel fine.  No really, I’m fine.

Just excuse me while I go ahead and get over myself, please.

PS: thank you for all the well wishes and love.  Sorry I haven’t answered my phone.  I’m blaming my sore throat and the lack of will to speak.

PPS: Yes, I’m emo, you guys called it in the comments yesterday.  I honestly just don’t know why and I’m sorry if it’s annoying.   But it’s my party and I’ll whine if I want to.

PPPS: I’m having a day time thing tomorrow with a few people and I promise I’ll put my big girl panties on my then.


  1. Po says:

    I felt super emo when I turned 30, shebee, I think you are just having the crisis a year early. It is a huge thing. It feels like the end of your youth, and with that, so many things that you assumed you would have done or been in your youth are not there, and it causes a massive assesment of life. But for all the things that are not there that you thought would be there, there are also so many things that you did an learned that were not planned but were huge experiences that count, and are important and make you who you are. Compromise and pain and growth and all that stuff – when we are young we don’t imagine that part because it is the hard stuff, we like to imagine a shiny life with wonder and bunnies – but where would we be without the harder, more boring, grown up, adult stuff that has taught us so much?

  2. Ankia says:

    Aaawww shame man. I don’t know why but I’m never emo about age. Hell I’m 7 years older than you lol. Anyways, happy happy. You rock!

  3. Chantal says:

    What was in the other box??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

    Happy belated Birthday by the way 🙂

  4. Angel says:

    My 27th klapped me very hard…
    You were over your emo on Saturday and I was very glad to see a smiling Shebeeliciousness.

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