Pushing and pulling…

You know when you have so much to talk about but none of it is blog friendly?  Ya, that.

Suffice it to say, my mother is a superwoman who deserves flowers, chocolates and hugs every day.

Also, I’m really tired.  I’m currently running a full time job, plus trying to get two family businesses off the ground.  It’s quite hectic.

Speaking of that, if you are in the Fourways/Bryanston area and need a beautician who is homely, comfortable and awesome at pampering people, get hold of my mom.  If you tell her I sent you, she’ll give you 20% discount.

Not bad, hey?

I’m not pinterested…

…in anything other than searching for, finding and pinning a million pictures from absolute strangers on the internet.  I’ve alternated between wanting to become a restaurant owner, a house wife, an interior designer and being pregnant at least twelve times over the last twelve hours.  Just so that I can redo the bathroom/kitchen/bedroom/nurserywhichdoesn’tevenexist.

You see, readers, I have discovered Pinterest.  I knew this would happen.  I knew that if I gave in and signed up I would become addicted and get sucked in.  So I skim read other bloggers posts’ about it, I glanced over any mention of it over Twitter and I ignored any reference to it whatsoever as far as possible.  Until Jon said I could go ahead and redesign our en suite bathroom.  Then all hell broke loose.

I went from “Hmmmm, that’s nice” to “MUST. PIN. ALL. THE. THINGGGGSSSSSSSS!!!!!!” in less than two hours.

Jon went to bed neglected, alone and full of bitterness for this world we live in.  His girlfriend had been abducted by the internet once again and left him the victim, unloved, unfed and miserable.

Meanwhile, in Pinterest land:

and

and

and

and

and

combined have made me into a walking, talking, jabbering, Martha Stewart home-decoring, amazing-food-cookering, Nostradamus-thinkering, decopaging fool that has decided to overhaul the entire house decor, repaint everything, consider planting an entire new garden, fully equip myself with an antique store of my own and, hell, while we’re at it, let’s just move to America becauseohmygodtheyhaveeverything!

It’s official.  Pinterest has ruined my life.

Say Mo to Movember!

I’ve always been a sucker for charity.  Every year I pick one to support, and usually it’s to do with animals or children. However, I do have another thing in my life that I love as much as puppies and/or children and that is my man.  Who is unfortunately supporting Movember again this year.

There are many things I refuse to put up with when it comes to Jon, such as:

1. Waking up early on the weekend, he learnt very quickly to not wake me up unless he was either on fire or the house was under attack or water
2. Joining him when he goes running.  Why anyone chooses to run when they are not being chased or forced by gun point is beyond me.  Also, have you SEEN the size of my breasts?  I’d suffocate myself as they bounced and bobbed over my nose and mouth
3. His knuckle cracking while waiting for me to finish any number of things, smoking, showering, doing makeup, etc.  I’ve threatened him with untimely death over this, drives me fucking bonkers

What I will put up with, however, is the fuzz sprouting on Jon’s face currently.  Not only does it turn him into a primal caveman look-a-like, but it’s for a good cause.  He’s taken a stand against testicular cancer by joining in on Movember.  Balls*!   Please join in on the fun this month, we can bet on our men, and point and laugh at their facial hairs irritating the shit out of them.

You can pledge for Jon here.  Do it for humanity, and the balls attached to half of it.

xxx

*Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Until Zombie Apocalypse Do Us Part…

The Walking Dead is a phenomenal series about zombies.  Jon and I are completely addicted.  After last night’s episode, I told Jon that if we ever married, I’d add the following vow into our nuptials:

“I solemnly swear to shoot you in the head if you were ever bitten by a zombie.  I also promise to never eat your leg meat if we were both zombies, but you were a zombie hanging from a tree”.

In saying the above romantic promise, I did go on to say that if I was turned into a zombie and Jon moved on to another human woman, I’d eat him.  Starting with his penis.

He added that if he were an astronaut who’d been on the moon for 3 years and landed back on earth to find out that he was the only human left, he’d never give up hope to find other humans.  He’d also be the creepy procreator that’d initiate the beginnings of the human race v2.0.  The amount of glee he said this with disturbed my fragile and innocent mind.

Such is the inner workings of our mind as a couple.  Our romance never bores me.

Google searches for my blog 2011

Angel posted earlier about her blog searches.  I decided to check mine for the first time in years.

I don’t even need to get into character for this, I’m just gonna put them out there for you, they speak for themselves.

Top eleven blog searches that result in sending people to my blog [in alphabetical order]:

1. Asshole wrinkles <- I have no idea either
2. Boiling bunnies <- probably because of this
3. Catfish bullet holes <- you got me…
4. Coffee blowjob <- hahahhaaa.  This and this.
5. Embarass your man <- I have NO idea why that would be there.  Weird.
6. Fuck the jews <- *mumbles*
7. How can a black person blush <- LOL!  This.
8. I would trade my boobs for a penis <- wow.
9. Poephol plucking emporium <- my mom’s salon, ladies and gentlemen…
10. Spinning makes my cooter hurt <- ouch, sounds painful.
11. Veeting on balls <- This.

Ahhh, I write about such eloquent and wonderful topics.

Endeavour to vote your heart out.

Good day,

I am Mr. Vincent Cheng, GBS, JP Chairman of the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation Limited.

I have a business proposal of Twenty Two Million, Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only for you to transact with me from my bank to your country.Having gone through a methodical search, I decided to contact you hoping that you will find this proposal interesting. Please on your confirmation of this message and indicating your interest. All confirmable documents to back up the claims will be made available to you prior to your acceptance and as soon as I receive your return mail Via my email address: vincentcheng211@yahoo.co.jp and I will let you know what is required of you,your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Endeavour to let me know your decision rather than keep me waiting.

Best Regards,

Mr.Vincent Cheng.

Woo!  I’m going to be RICH, BITCHES!  I love how he ends off with “Endeavour to let me know…”  I think that’s going to be my new call to action for everything!

I feel so rested this week after having my first proper do-nothing weekend in 3 weeks.  On Saturday I was super productive and spent the ENTIRE DAY IN BED.  It was amazing.  I’ve also managed to catch up on most of the blogs I read, so that was very cool too.

Speaking of bloggers, SA Blog Awards have kicked off!  If you haven’t already noticed the gigantic badge in my sidebar to the right ———->, please notice it now.  Alternatively, notice this below instead:

Endeavour to vote for me, dudes.  If you want.  Or not.  Whatevs.

I HAVEN’T BEEN A FINALIST SINCE 2009 GUYS, COME ON, VOTE FOOOOOOR MEEEEEEEEEE?