Willy & KittyKate are hitched!

I am such a closet morantic, guys!  I spent the entire day watching Sky News from the chill room at aqua.  At first I was alone but with all my tweeting and mailing the girls at work soon joined me.  By 11 o’clock we’d cracked open the champagne and had a chorus of us slouching in front of the big screen.  I also had a tiara on the entire day, which I plan on wearing right until midnight tonight, whence I will turn into a Royal Pumpkin.

Tiara. Mandatory for the RoyalTwit.

I tweeted the whole thing and stole a few pics off News24 to give you the experience as narrated by me, in case you were under a rock and didn’t watch for yourself.

Oh hello little minions! I'm just pottering over to the aisle to catch a prince...

Some of my tweets earlier:

• Have my tiara on. Also considering moving my desk into the chillroom to watch Willy & Kate’s dingdong on the telly wif a cuppa.
• Scones wiff mulberry jam, innit? Haff decoided I’m a chaf for the rest o’ the day, yeah.
• I love how all the laydeez are competing for the ugliest hats one after another. I just saw a lobster one! Stuck on the side of her ear!
• Does anyone else see how Becks put more effort into his hair than Skeletor? With that stupid hat on her forehead. Mxm. It’s fallen forward!

Willy, you know that "for richer or poorer" part? I was only kidding about the latter.

• Clearly using prestik to stick these “hats” onto the cheek or forehead is even better fashion!
• RT @JeremyTNell: Still trying to figure out why Victoria Beckham is wearing a pudding on her head.
• Who draped a curtain tie back over Harry? #royalwedding
• William tottering off with Harry to have a strategic vom. #chunderEVERYwhere
• Awww look how happy Queen Mum is So sweet. One is fond of yellow, bitches.

See Camilla? That's why you can never be queen, you're fugly, dear.

• Our executive creative director has just broken out the bubbly!
• Wow, and all the girls just let out a collective sigh as Willy whispers “You look jolly beautiful” as Kate arrives down the aisle. Sighhhh.

Look at all of these people who love me, Willy. They LOVE ME! Duh.

• Middleton family were first in line for good looks and good tan.
• Hey, @jkretzmer if you and I get married, we can have a wedding similiar to this one, ok? Maybe 5 or so guests less…
• Queen_UK “You’d have thought someone might have put a softer cushion on one’s chair.”

Sighhhh.  I loved this, right along with a third of the rest of the world’s population.  I hope they are very happily married and that her fate ends up much happier than that of her late mother in law.  Sincerely.

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My other half has left me…

So today and tomorrow and Thursday I go back to being a single woman.  It’s been two years since I was a single woman, but since Jon is in another zip code (Cape Town), I am allowed to cheat according The Bro Code.  So please could all my other boyfriends line up outside my door from tonight at about 7.30pm.  Thanks.

In related news, I will be home alone until Thursday night

It is the first time I’ll be sleeping at our house without Jon. Not counting the night’s I’ve kicked him out of bed and made him sleep outside, in the snow, barefoot, on the veranda.  It’s going to be so weird, man.  Also, I’m going to be cold.  And it’s no fun stealing pillows from the other side of the bed when there’s no one to poke me for it.  Also, I’ll be showering with the bathroom door securely LOCKED.  I will not be a slasher movie cliche, dudes.  Even if my shower doesn’t have the proverbial curtain necessary with which the axe murdered will stab me through.

Jon is flying to meet his new niece, Rebecca, and I’m superbly jealous.  Specifically because I won’t be able to see her in the awesome punk rocker ballet shoes we bought for her.  And because he’ll be in Cape Town, which is cool in itself.  Instead, I will be at home in charge of feeding the boy cats (mental note: DON’T FORGET TO FEED THE BOY CATS!) and working.

I was totally cool with not going, until this morning while I watched Jon pack his bags.  Sipping my coffee, I couldn’t help but think in a panic-stricken inner voice “WHO WILL BE MAKING ME COFFEE TO WAKE UP TO?!” and other similar endearing things.

I also hope that my car (which has been severely painful lately) does not decide to give me shit.  The battery died twice last week (Jon had to drive back home after arriving at the office, Googled how to jump-start a battery, couldn’t figure out how to open the car bonnet, squealed about getting grease on his hands [snigger] and then couldn’t figure out how to close the car bonnet after the car roared to life).

I’ve forgotten how to be single!  Sigh.  It’s going to be a long week.

Ps: I’m going to miss you babe*.

* Hurry home**.

** And bring presents***.

*** If you want****.

**** Please.

On kicking Jon in the shins…

I’ve been really struggling to sleep lately.  It’s been a long time since I’ve suffered insomnia, two years to be precise, but lately it’s a real bitch to fall into an unbroken, sound, sleep.  If it’s not having to wee 3 times a night, it’s to toss and turn, or have nightmares.

Last night was no different, we went to bed around 10ish, and put on the TV to fall asleep to like we do every night.  The only problem is that once the timer ran down to 30seconds before switching the TV off, I renewed it for another hour.  And then one more, and one more after that, and another after that.  Eventually it was 1am and I decided to swallow one of my herbal sleeping tablets.  You must know how desperate I was by then, because aside from my throat mock-charging my tongue in its attempt to not kots everywhere every time I swallow a pill, the bloody things taste like feet.

Eventually it worked and I fell asleep.  But then I walked into my mothers house and saw Jon’s ex sitting on the deck with a sneer on her face.  I looked over to Jon and saw that he was packing his bags.  He was breaking up with me, apparently.  Because I work too much.  The ex was laughing at me and literally pulled her ears, stuck out her tongue and started neeneerneerneering me!  Well it was just too much, I walked over to her and kicked her shins.  And then I called Rozz (who totally took my side in the break up) and she picked me up.

And then I, of course, rolled over in bed and woke up.  The problem was, I was still so pissed off that Jon broke up with me that I looked over at his peacefully sleeping face and kicked him in the shins!

A few minutes later I realised the after effects of the dream were wearing off and I started to feel bad.  So Jon woke up this morning to me rubbing his tummy and hugging him.  He was confused, since I’m usually comatose when he gets up in the mornings, and I apologised to him for kicking his shin while he was sleeping.  Even though he didn’t remember me doing it (mental note: obviously wasn’t hard enough) I felt bad.

Enough is enough!  I need stress relief suggestions, pronto.  Annnnd go!

Summary of life right now:

Cape Town was both soul-comforting and too far away from home at the same time.  On one hand it was wonderful to chill in a millionaire’s villa in Camps Bay, on the other hand, the hotel I stayed at after was a bit sucky on service.

The lectures were awesome though, I had such fun and the CPUT students were ahsum.  AH-sum!  Loved it, will be going back again next year

Aside from getting flu though, I missed Jon, I was homesick the whole time and now that I’m back here all I want to do is get on a plane again and maybe go be with my mom on the coast to see my family and friends for a while.

My team at work has grown to four now, with a fifth starting at the end of next month.  Can’t believe that it’s finally happening – I’m doing what I set out to do when I started work.  I’m proud of me, and my team.

Oh, I nearly ran over a homeless guy this morning.  Completely by accident.  He ran in the road, stupid hobo.

Yeah, and that sums up my life right now.

Wow.

On the death of a life long friend. RIP Jadie.

So I’ve been absolutely shattered today.  My life long friend Shardae’s little sister Jade was killed in a car accident involving a truck this morning.

I’m told that she died instantly.

But this has happened, this horrible and uncalled for death of Jadie, three days after her & her sisters and mother buried their father.

My friend can’t even speak to me on the phone.  I don’t know what to do for her.  We’ve grown up together, we were the two who had all the siblings.  Together we were proud of our big families.  And now hers is in tatters.  They’ve fought their father’s cancer off for two years, but eventually lost the battle last week.  And now Jadie is gone too.

I know I should be consoled by the fact that she’s with her dad now, but what on earth could ever bring comfort to Michelle, the woman who lost her husband and her daughter in less than a week?  How is this fair?

I feel completely shocked, saddened and hopeless.  I’m all the way here and they’re all the way on the South Coast.  I can’t possibly take leave on top of being out of the office next week already.  I can’t be there, it’s as simple as that.

But my heart is.  My heart is broken and in peaces just thinking of what that special family is going through right now, but it’s there with them regardless.

I’m lost, guys.  My poor friends.

Fuck.