26
Yours in wrinkles.
I’ve been doing a bit of a girly thing lately. Not so long ago I was looking at myself in the mirror and I spotted something so awful, so terrible, so unexpected I immediately screamed for Jon to come running. Speeding into the bathroom expecting blood, tears and shattered glass, he burst out laughing when I told him what was wrong. “I have wrinkles!” I shouted.
Since then, I haven’t been able to look anywhere near the vicinity of any mirror. My hair may look awesomely horrid, but I refuse to look at my reflection. And so, my latest obsession has been born. A few years ago I did photographic modelling. I caked the war paint on my face before I even had my first morning wee, and I never really removed the make up before going to bed, unless I happened to wash my face in the shower. Another thing I’d never done was spend more than twenty bucks on a facewash. Good ol’ Johnson & Johnson face scrub was fine enough for me.
But since my mom has had her salons, she’s let me know in no uncertain terms how bad my skin is. Yes, I have the regular monthly break-out, but she pointed out things called “pores” and the fact that mine sucked. Especially in my “T-Zone”, whatever the hell that is. Anyway, needless to say, after the wrinkle thing I had a life realisation. I am getting old. ExMi and I discussed this at large a few weeks ago, and I made the decision – I need to start looking after my face.
So for the last two weeks, I’ve been washing with expensive face wash, toning with cotton wool pads, moisturising with organic face moisturiser, and using hand and nail cream too – because those asshole wrinkles are even there, on my hands! The cheek!
I know I should’ve done it years ago. I know this. But I didn’t, and now I’m paying for it. Immensely, let me tell you. Decent organic facial product prices are nothing to laugh at, my friend.
God. This sucks.
Yours in wrinkles,
SheBee.
PSes:
1. My mom and my brothers are coming up to spend the weekend with me – I am SO excited.
2. Seasea Cat and Alistair boy are both going in to vet hospital on Thursday morning. Going to spay the rat bag, and the baby kitteh is getting his shots. How long will the recovery take?
22
It’s Earth Day, Bitches.
So this morning I showered in darkness and to add my bit in saving our planet I didn’t smoke on the way to work. Woot. Not sure if it saved a centimetre of Earth, but they say for every smoke not smoked, you add 3 minutes to your life span. So there’s always that.
My Blackberry is broke. Yes, the new one. It restarts every 5 minutes and takes about 15 minutes to boot up again. Which means that out of a 24 hour day, my phone is on for about 6 hours collectively. I’ve also noticed that SMSes are not coming through while the phone is off, and ALSO, it loses time for the whole duration of it booting up. Which means that I not only don’t receive messages or calls, my phone can’t even tell the time anymore. Great, I have a Blackberry equivalent to a farking stone.
This morning Northcliff was covered in mist. I felt like I was in Forks and Edward Cullen was about to climb through my window any minute. Except he would’ve hit his head on the glass, cos it was too cold to have any open windows.
I just realised what I just wrote. This is what I’ve been reduced to, people, writing utter bullshit. Sigh. Poor you guys!
At least I have under-floor heating this year, though. No portable heater plugging into walls for me. ExMi should be glad, last year I insisted I would only visit her if I could bring my heater.
21
Last night a DJ saved my life.
Went to an exclusive underground party in Newtown last night. The hoburg CBD is a complete clusterfuck at the moment with the Muncipal workers being on strike. Aside from avoiding rubbish in the roads, the dodgy people in the streets made me feel like I was on a xbox gaming mission to avoid zombies or something.
Kelly. About a meter away. I could smell her. It was nice.
Smelt Kelly Rowlands up close and in person. She’s awesome. You know who that is right, the former Destiny’s Child singer? The one who sang that song “I love you, I need you” with Nelly. She’s also singing a hit track now for South Africa along with other SA artists. Before that I saw Jozi perform.
Jozi doing their thang.
What a weird little hip hop group. Complete with shades and hoodies, they jumped around broomsticks on stage, very energetic I must say.
There was some short little blonde chick shaking her ass not 20cm in front of my face. While most people would get up and move, I declared war on her ass and refused to budge from my comfy spot leaning up against the wall, sitting on the floor. I lost. Eventually the hips and the “Aaaaaaaaaaaa, squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s and omg!’s” got to me and I had to vacate the space bubble I’d let be invaded. Energetic, bum shaking in my face annoying little blonde girl!
Me on the yellow carpet entrance. With a free goodies bag.
The press was insane. I had to wrestle my way to the front of the stage, but I got that right at least. Met a hottie from People Magazine. What’s up, Grant! Felt like a tool when I realised all the kiff food was for free, I’d grabbed a Woolies sarmie on my way to the event.
Oh yes! And I got chased by a car on my way home. Dude followed me all the way from Beyers Naude drive right into my ‘burb. I eventually shook him loose by accidentally nearly slamming into the back of an ADT Security convention in the middle of the road. I was too relieved to be pissed at the dudes for convening in the middle of my neighbourhood for a midnight meet and greet. And they then escorted me up the drive way and promised to keep an eye out for any car that followed me in the area. Sigh.
Life in Hoburg. It’s dangerous, exciting, fun and thrilling all at the same time.
20
Situation in Europe – The Eyjafjallajokull eruption (Update)<- An email sent to me today.
Photographer Martin Rietze got to within 250 metres of the lava fountains to capture his stunning series of images
Lava hits the sea from the volcanic eruption between the Myrdalsjokull and Eyjafjallajokull glaciers, east of Iceland’s capital Reykjavik
Only around an hour old, this lavaflow is falling from a steep cliff a few hundred metres from the main eruption
Lava spurts out of the site of a volcanic eruption at the Fimmvorduhals volcano near the Eyjafjallajokull glacier
Close-up: The dark cloud of smoke coming from the Icelandic crater as seen by an Icelandic Coast Guard helicopter
The plume from the Icelandic volcano – seen as a grey-brown streak drifting across the middle of the image – is visible from space. It was imaged by the Modis instruments on two Nasa satellites as it blew towards the Shetland Islands
Coating: Researchers at Sheffield Hallam University collected these particles of volcanic ash (seen here under a microscope) which fell on cars in the centre’s grounds earlier today
Frozen: Ice chunks carried downstream by floodwaters caused by volcanic activity lie on the Markarfljot riverbank in Iceland yesterday
Dusty: A car in Iceland drives through the ash from the volcano
Widespread: Ash from the erupting volcano sweeps in an arc across the Netherlands, Germany, Poland, and Russia in this image from NASA yesterday
Spectacular: A satellite image of the volcano under the Eyjafjallajokull glacier in Iceland
A man surveys what is left of the main Icelandic coastal road after it was washed away by flood water following the volcano eruption
Around 800 people have had to be evacuated and 70 tourists were rescued after they were trapped by the rising flood waters
Spectacular: Plumes of smoke shoot up from a volcano under the Eyjafjallajokull glacier in Iceland today which has erupted for the first time in 200 years
The Eyjafjallajokull eruption is the second in less than a month and has seen hundreds of international flights cancelled
Workers have been forced to smash holes through roads in Iceland to allow the surging flood water to escape out to sea
Part of the glacier has melted under the ferocious temperatures causing the flood swell to pour down the mountain
Experts are concerned the recent eruption could trigger another more powerful one from the nearby Katla volcano
Posted via email from if these (posterous) walls could talk…
20
Not one for sexting.
Jon and I have an awesome relationshit. He really is one of my bestest mates. We can hang out and play xbox, watch movies, sit on the balcony and chat for ages, lie in bed and wrestle, laugh at our own quirks and weirdness, argue about geek subjects and gossip like little school girls. He’s awesome like that.
On a really tough day, my best thing to do is get on the phone with him and bitch non-stop until I’m sated and don’t want to talk about it anymore. His reaction is “mmm” in all the right places, express outrage when necessary and he’s very good at calming me down when I’m severely pissed, anxious, nervous or even when I’m just sad, he has an uncanny way of making me giggle.
I simply love this about him, I can honestly say or do whatever is on my mind and he gets it. And when he doesn’t get it, he tries to. He’s awesome like that.
But then the other night I was standing naked in the bathroom on the phone with him and had to cut him short so I could stop shivering in my skin and take a shower. Before the call ended he jokingly suggested I take a photo and send it to him, and then he hung up.
“Ah, well,” I thought, “it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, really” so I posed all provocatively and pouted my lips. TWO HOURS LATER, I still didn’t have a reaction. I checked my Blackberry twice, I’d definitely got his address right. Eventually I gave up and went to bed and Private Practice.
The next morning, I got a reply from his work computer. Great. I send an image containing pretty much nothing and me, which he opens in front of his open plan office colleagues. Apparently he “went to bed early”. Really?! Come on!
Well he blew it, my friends. No more sexting from me! He can find another girl to send him naked photos*.
* he better not. I’ll cut off his peen and dip it into his eyeballs.
19
The universe is kicking me in my head.
- Oprah Magazine contacts me, schedules a feature and a photo shoot, I get all excited, they cancel at the last minute.
- WTF Conference refers to me as a Social Media “specialist” and enlists me to be one of their speakers, I get excited, they cancel at the last minute.
- Another magazine contacts me, proposes a column scribed by yours truly, I get all excited, they don’t bother getting back to me.
I’m over it. From now on I’m saying no. NO, NO, NO, NO TO YOU, NO DEFINITELY TO YOU, AND NO TO YOU!
But until then I’ll just lie down in a corner and sulk with my sad panda face on.
PS: Please pray for Cath. Send love bubbles & thoughts her way please. I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t serious enough.
xxx
19
FMyFine.co.za
So in December I was given a lovely little surprise in the form of a few thousand rands in traffic fines. Knowing that Christmas pressies weren’t expensive enough, the SA Traffic dept thought they’d add to my budget. Awesome.
A cool little new online initiative was brought to my attention today, however It’s called FMyFine.co.za and basically what they do, is supply you with official excuses to send into the DMV in the hopes of reducing your fines. This, when you think about it, deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. To avoid the ridiculous fines put in place by the DMV is a noble goal, at least. The fact FMyFine.co.za are offering this to you as a service is generous. Those foxy minded individuals are going to find themselves inundated with requests soon, so be sure to take immediate advantage.
It’s a well known fact that when supplied with a decent and plausable excuse, the Traffic Department will reduce, if not squash, your fines.
Is it legal? Yes.
Is it legit? Yes.
Is it handy? Hell yes.
So what do you have to do? Go to FMyFine.co.za now and register, the rest of the site is self explanatory.
14
I was once a ballerina…
Serious. I was. I used to ballonné and pirouette my way along the barre, in front of a mirror and on stage. I even won a trophy for being the best umbrella swirler in a tutu to the tune of Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head. That’s how awesome I was.
But then life happened, I grew up a little, hung with the wrong crowd and thought karate would be more fun. But other girls didn’t. They stuck to eating lettuce leaves and training hours every day to follow their dreams. And those girls went on to become part of Cape Town City Ballet, who help other little girls just like I once was to learn the art and form of all things ballet.
But now they need help. Enter the online initiative to solicit donations from the public to immediately help save Cape Town City Ballet.
Cheques should be made out to:
CAPE TOWN CITY BALLET and posted to
PO Box 94, RONDEBOSCH 7701
For direct internet transfers:
Bank: NEDBANK
Account name: CAPE TOWN CITY BALLET
Branch code: 123 209
Account no: 123 200 8842
Reference: Name + Reference is SG1
What’s in it for donors? Aside from the fuzzy warm feelings you get from an eternal nod of approval from baby Jesus, The Flying Spaghetti Monster and a Unicorn named Pete, you can also stand a chance to win:
- One of 5 sets of double tickets to the Poetry In Motion Gala Event, to be held at Artscape Opera House on Sunday, 9 May 2010 [ More info ... ]
- 24 Bottles of wine, kindly donated by Michael Oliver, along with 3 signed copies of his books.
- A magnificent poster-size photographic print from Cape Town City Ballet’s current photographer, Pat Bromilow-Downing.
To stand a chance of winning one of these prizes, email win@savecapetowncityballet.co.za and provide your name,
contact details and the amount donated. All emails received will be placed into a random draw, to be held on Tuesday, 4 May 2010.
Go to the site now to find out all you need to know. Do it. Baby Jesus is watching you.
13
Things I miss from Durban:
- Cath. Wholly. Cam too.
- Our chinese take-away in the dodgy Spar Centre
- My siblings
- That feeling of being independent for the very first time and the excitement that came with it
- Looking at the beach on my way home from and to work
- Having Yoga classes in the afternoons with Cinderella on the Suncoast beach front
- The crazy Shath neighbour lady
- The ability to shoot down to the South Coast to visit my mom. It was only an hour drive.
- Public (reliable & safe) transport in and around the city
- Essenwood Park flea market every Saturday morning
- The Shath balcony, overlooking the harbour and the city
- The neighbourly neighbourhood of Glenwood and,
- all the old grannies therein
- My blue golf that was stolen
I’m home sick a little today. First time in about a year, actually.
