Just to take your mind off things for a second…

I’ve had so many blog readers mail me asking why I haven’t elaborated on my new relationship, via gmail, facebook, twitter DM’s and snail mail (okay, not really the last one) and this is now the third time in a week where I’ve sat down to actually blog about it and stopped half way through a semi – decent post.  I know exactly why, too.

Rebecca summed it up perfectly in one of her blog posts a while ago, basically it goes a little along the lines of something similar to this, except she didn’t write a poem in a gay-like manner like I’m about to:

I’m happy.  So happy.

I’m terrified too, if anyone cares.

I’m awed, floored and never bored.

I’m free to be me, which is very NB.

More than that though,

I cannot tell you

Because its sacred, yo

And this is me trying to follow through.

I’m in love, dude

Very much, hopelessly and embarrassingly in luuuuurve, see

And his name is Jon the Jew

For writing this, I fully expect you all to loudly laugh at me*

*Cos you KNOW if it were the other way round I’d be holding my belly by now.

So, yeah.  Things are awesome.  And yes of course I could write a whole bunch of stuff about how ABSOLUTELY BLOODY ANAL he is, or how he laughs at my silly jokes, or the way he looks at me, or the amazing thing he does with *** ****** that makes me go ***********, or how we both share the opposite of what you’d know as a foot fetish, or that I don’t think I’ve ever been this open, this honest, this accepted with or by anyone, ever.  I could tell you all of those things.  But I won’t.  Not today.

My thoughts on 27Dinner last night.

I’ve pretty much gotten into the swing of things when it comes to all things geek networky here in Joburg.  I’ve attended 3 Jozi 27Dinners now, and I feel I’m allowed to have an honest opinion on them, since I’ve spent enough time drinking the cocktails and lending my ear to hear what the speakers have had to say in the past. Most of the time I was totally impressed and in love with Team27 for their organisational skills of awesomeness.  Last night, not so much.

So, I’m going to do the disclaimer thing here and let everyone know, this isn’t anything personally insulting.  I’m going to bitch though, and I hope it can be taken not to heart, but to head.  Err.  That sounds dodgy.  Anyway, back to the bitch:

FTV’s service:

• if not for the awesome manager Sue, I would’ve gone without a drink the entire evening.  The waiters ignored our table outside in order to shake hands and mingle with friends of theirs.

• Sue organised something for me the minute after she witnesses one of her waiters LITERALLY push me out of the way to get out the door, ignoring my request for service.  I had a moan at her about teaching her staff some manners, and she acted on it professionally and within two minutes, I had a cocktail in my hand.

The Cover-charge:

• Whilst I fully support there being a cover charge for the evening, last night’s R100 was a rip-off.
• Firstly, we did not plan on eating there and had deliberately eaten before hand as we were starving, but when we got to the door we soon realised that it wasn’t optional.  Fine, I thought, I’ll get cocktails out of it.  Hah! What cocktails?  They were all gone, when a group of us asked about the supposedly sponsored cocktails, we were told that we’d missed the boat and that if we wanted anything, we should pay for it.

The Food:

Fair enough, I’d already eaten – but the geeks I was sitting with hadn’t, and the few platters that were scattered around the place were pretty much filled with nothing and chicken bones.  Definitely not worth the R100 they paid for to get food.  If the people were late in arriving, then I can understand missing out.  But from what I saw, there wasn’t enough to go around.  And what was left, was kak.  What’s worse is that I saw a few people actually ordering meals later that evening.  Look, I have proof:

Why did that have to happen in the first place? Because the R100 paid wasn't worth the value expected.

Walter Pike. Not a happy chappy.

The Summary:

1. I fully support the cover-charge idea for 27Dinners, whether they’re sponsored by corporates such as eBucks or not, why not make a buck or two out of the organising?  But when you ask for it, don’t give the impression that it will be for “food” if what you’re actually offering is “mild snacks for when you’re drunk, vegetarian and possibly already fed”.  Then it might actually satisfy someone.
2. Rethink the FTV venue and what it has to offer.  Sue is a smart woman, I’m sure with her and your brains you guys could come up with some sort of set menu of sorts.  Preferrably, go back to individual bills accountable by each individual.  I’ve been a waiter before, it’s really not that hard to organise who had what and how much they owe – this really shouldn’t be an excuse.
3. Aside from the rant above, I had a pleasant evening.  Networking with like-minded people is something I love to do, and will continue to do so despite paying a hundred bucks to not eat or drink. 27Dinners have taught me a lot about this industry and has aided in me meeting some true role models and impressive people.  The speakers and the people are what I’m there for, not the food.  Although that’s kind of important too, when you’re six drinks in and need to drive home – food is helpful.
4. Justin Spratt is hot.  That is all.
5. Please don’t lynch me at the next 27, I’ll be cowering in the corner if you must though.

I am the busiest I’ve ever been. Fact.

So all of a sudden, my life has become chaotic.  It went from lah-di-dah’ing on the farm every day, looking at the pretty horses and swearing at the noisy geese or kicking the chickens out of the office, to fuckoffinsane kind of busy, hustling in the city. I’m up before its light, home long after its dark and forgetting to eat breakfast or dinner most days.

Look, I’m not complaining okay.  In fact, I’m loving just about every single minute of my life lately.  So much good.  So much fun.  So much enrichment  and smiles can’t be fair, but you know what? I’ve decided that its my turn to reap the rewards.  Its my turn to smile and laugh and ponder over good days spent.  And its definitely my turn to make others envious and happy for me, its taken me long enough to get out of my funk and i really feel that for the first time in a very long time, I’m alive!

Of course, a big part is definitely attributed to my awesome boyfriend person, but its more than that.  I’m doing what I love, seeing who I love, feeling the love and making plans to make love*. I find that I’m not quite as reclusive as I used to be, okay, a lot less so.  And also, I don’t procrastinate nearly as much.  I’ve always been a nutter, sure, but I’m feeling less like a wrinkly old cashew nut and more like a young, smooth peanut these days.  Yes – I do realise how ridiculous that analogy is.  Forgive me, I’ve had two hours sleep and right now it makes sense.  Cashews are ugly and depressed looking, peanuts aren’t.  They’re young and vi- oh never mind.  I know what I meant, damnit.

I am absolutely LOVING my job.  For those of you on twitter, you’ll know that I’ve been getting up at six (yes, I’m serious.  Six hundred hours, AM.  Sweet baby Jesus in a shopping cart) to leave for work by half past, which means I’m lucky if I get there by nine.  It’s far, yo.  But also – it gives me time to wake up, to sing along to 5fm, to giggle at Gareth Cliff, swear at assholes who drive like, well, assholes and generally just make my way to Jhb CBD. My job entails loads of creativity, initiative and dealing with like-minded people and technology.  It’s so much fun, such hard work and requires more than just half my brain cells – but I can honestly say that I’m happy to be here.  I just wish it wasn’t only a 3 month contract, dude.

My sister gets hitched at the end of October.  With me being bridesmaid, we’re organising the bridal shower.  It’s so much fun and also quite stressful for me since I’m having to fly back and forth to help out with the finalising.  Cam’s wedding dress is absolutely amazing.  With her being a designer, her dress is of course self-made and exquisite.  Our bridesmaid dresses rock too, although not quite designed by MillaRo herself like hers is, but even so – at least they’re not fluffy and meringue-like.

Any ideas for games on the hens night, ladies? I’ve a few in mind, but not nearly outrageous enough.  We will be with the aunties, grans and moms in the afternoon and then taking Cam out on the town later that night after we’ve ditched the old folk.  So PLEASE, help me out here.  What are/were/have been your bridal shower & party experiences?

* hehe.  Sorry, couldn’t resist that.

Gundergunder Almost Death.

On Friday night I looked forward to going home for the first time in weeks while it was still actually light and I didn’t need a spot light to get into my house (the globes are burnt out along my pathway) and then chilling to the max.  We’ve* had such a busy couple of weeks that all I wanted was a quiet night in with my poor neglected and only-child cat, who has started growing up all by herself**.

I think I’d been at home for an hour, done laundry, tidied up the Afghanistan war zone that was my home and then sat on the bed to open a book for all of five minutes before I was awoken by my boyfriend person getting into bed with me after being out with his people.  A few minutes later, wide awake and chatting about our day as we walked down the driveway, we went to lock the entrance gate so that the horses wouldn’t be made into roadkill didn’t get kidnapped.  It was about 10:30 at night and as we were petting the pretty horses, I hear an engine roar and look up to see Jax’s gunder-gunder truck racing down the driveway at a speed of knots!

Thinking there was an emergency somewhere, with someone, I jumped into the driveway to find out what the fack was going on, only blind Jax just accelerated!  If it hadn’t been for Cassie in the car with her screaming “IT’S SHEENA, JACQUI, STOP THE CAR – IT’S SHEENA!” I wouldn’t be coming to you now from my office, it would be from the comfort of my very own pimped out grave site.

Yes, yes I would be.  I’d find a way to blog in death – what the hell else would I be supposed to do, guardian angel someone? I don’t think so, buddy.

But I digress, I was nearly killed.  If it hadn’t been for Jon who held me back, or Cassie for screaming out the alert – I would be dead right now.  Just sommer net loike VAT, bru!

She thought I was a horse thief and planned to run me over.  So anyway.  That’s all I have to say.  I nearly doid.  But I didn’t, and I’m just letting you all know I’m well alive and taking names as I kick ass at my new career of awesomeness.

*oh gawd, look it’s started – that whole “we”, “us”, “our” thing that annoying couples do.

** she’s potty trained herself, people! I couldn’t be prouder if she stood on her hind legs and high-fived me.

This just in!

You know about Kanye vs. Taylor Swift, right?  Okay good.  Because look what teh_internetz have come up with:

Can I just say: HAAAAAAH HAAAAAH HAAAAAAAH!  Read the text.  And then when he says “Bob Sagget” tell me you didn’t wee!  Oh man, this is just beautiful.

Gaychat and my very own personal Asshat.

Richard is someone from Cape Town.  I met him online about two years ago and for some strange reason (and it really is strange, because he’s an odd fellow) he and I just clicked.  We tried the romance thing for a few weeks but soon came to the conclusion that we both sucked at it and gave up.

Richard has recently survived a peanut tumor (the size of a peanut) to the brain, which he had surgically removed a few days ago.  I tease him now about it because in the past he has only ever had batshit crazy girlfriends, which we now blame on the tumor.  And in being his mate, I was privy to all the stories about the bunny-boiler chicks.  I’m immensely relieved he’s okay, without his peanut.  It means I have my chat buddy back and also, you know, that he’ll continue to live life and stuff.  But mostly because I have my chat buddy back.  We’ve been catching up.  Be privy to our most recent gaychat:

Richard:  Nothing’s changed here.

Me:  Wish I could say the same.  Actually, I don’t, I like my life now – this year has been good to me.

Richard:  Yes, you’re happier now I can tell.

Me:  you can? How? I’m the same with you as I’ve always been

Richard:  No, but I can just tell. It’s something about you.

Me:  do tell!

Richard:  you’re permanently orgasm-glowing

Me:  hahahaha! WhatEVER!

Richard:  its true man, and you KNOW it.

Me:  Wait, define orgasm-glowing.

Richard:  well when a boy and a girl love each other very much…

Me:  oh, man!  I didn’t know you meant that.

Me:  and you?  No crazies lately?  You’re boring without your peanut, Richard, go find a crazy to entertain me with!

Richard:  I have had only 1 run in with a crazy in the last 3 months.  Just so you know, I’ve put you in the crazies too.

Me:  WHAT?! I did nothing! I wasn’t even remotely crazy.

Richard: See the problem is I don’t have any other categories

Me:  snort!  So make one, here, I’ll even name it for you:

The One That Got Away.

I think its lovely.

The One That Got Away <- even looks lovely in bold

Richard:  hah! I prefer Thank Goodness category.

Me:  Asshat.

Richard:  oh please, you love me and my asshat.

Richard:  wears proudly

Me: what exactly is an asshat anyway?

Richard: I’m not sure, could be a hat for an ass.  Or a hat made from an ass.

Me:  yeah, but why?  I mean, it just doesn’t make any sense

Richard:  because donkeys need hats too Sheena.  Obviously.

This made me giggle. A lot.

Single vs. Engaged vs.  Married.
Sipping her drink, the single girl said, “Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my  boyfriend’s office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people  had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice,  black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made  passionate love on his desk right then and there!”

The engaged woman giggled and said,  ”That’s pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday,  he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black  hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had  sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!”

The married woman put her glass down  and said, “I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids  to stay over at Grandma’s. I took a long scented-oil bath and then  put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a  black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I  finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from  work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled,  ‘Hey, Batman, what’s for dinner?’”

Posted via web from shebee’s posterous

* I can’t take props for this – I found it online.

Life on the South Coast.

I heard her before I saw her.  Well, her music anyway.  And not just any music mind you – oh no, it was Cher.  Just Like Jesse James.  On full blast, her head shaking with the temerity of her singing.  I duck my head down, hurriedly cross the pedestrian walk and load my bags into the boot of the car before any more than the small crowd of people start staring at me and my unknown mother clad in Paris Hilton sunglasses and new hair colour.  Gawd, honestly – she always has to be the loudest most unconventional person around – I don’t know anyone else like her (except for me, obviously).

But then I get into the car and turn down the music sneakily, as she wraps her arms around me and with tears in her eyes kisses me all over.  “It’s only been 6 weeks mom,” I say in between kisses on my nose and squeezes of my cheeks.  “I know that,” she says while sniffing dramatically ”but it just feels like so much longer, you’re already a year older than the last time I saw you.  And look at your skin – you’re glowing!”.  And that’s when I remember – she’s my mom.  All forty three years of her.  And I wouldn’t change her for the world.

Even if she forced me to go to church with her this morning and caused me to get the uncontrollable giggles and fire-and-brimstone stares from my childhood paster when I continued to giggle under the service sheet print outs.  God.  She fell asleep! In church! And then started humming on top of her voice to distract herself from konking out again – only it was so out of tune and so unexpected and I just collapsed.  Especially after we’d been nudging and winking at each other all morning over the 93 million year old happy-clappy on the other end of the aisle jumping around.  The old ducks cellphone started ringing half way through a prayer and she got such a fright she literally jumped out of her chair and caught herself just before she fell onto the floor. 

My mom’s new salon is amazing.  And she’s got so skinny! My mom’s becoming a MILF, dude. I better get cracking on my diet – can’t have her looking hotter than me, that’s just not on.  And Dazzy’s petshop is going to rock!  When he finally gets his A into G and gets up before 10am in the morning, and all his stock finally arrives.  He’ll be fine.  I’m so proud of them both – and I’m really impressed with the way they’re both handling their businesses.

Seeing the townsfolk was interesting.  Usually I fly in, drive down to the coast to see my family only plus a few select friends, I try not go anywhere too public on purpose because with me being gone so long, it generally turns into an inquisition on what I’m doing, when I’m getting married and how my daughter’s doing now*. Contrary to popular belief, I generally don’t like having to be the centre of attention when it comes to my past. I prefer being adored for who I am now.

Yeah, so I went to church.  I thought my mom was going to have her eyes pop out when I agreed.  For years I’ve brushed her off and refused to go unless someone was either getting buried or hitched.  I have to admit, I had a good time.  Even though the songs are so bloody long.  Also, I got to watch someone getting baptised.  What a beautiful ceremony for her.  Everyone was so moved by her conversion and even I felt my eyes start to liquidise at one point.

I think this whole relationshit thing is making me go soft or something.  Must remedy my toughness at once *kicks a puppy*.  Speaking of, I miss my boyfriend person.  I’ve had a lovely weekend, but I’m ready to go home now I won’t lie.  It’s amazing – I grew up here on the South Coast, and it will always be my childhood memory keeper, but it doesn’t feel like my home anymore.  I’ve grown up – when did this happen?!

I’d just like to add, though, that my mom is now sitting outside on the deck singing on top of her voice again – and no, she still doesn’t have the tone right.  I better go show her how its done.

 

* Most people forget she died.  They’ll never forget I was a teenager and pregnant though.  Sigh.

PS: start my new job of awesomeness tomorrow today on Monday the 14th officially.  Wish me luck

Avril said it best when she sang “Mobile”.

Start back at this life

Stretch myself back into the vibe

I’m waking up to say I’ve tried

Instead of waking up to another tv guide

Its time now, I turn around

Turn and walk on this crazy ground oh oh

Life all of a sudden has become chaotic.  Every weekend I am booked up, every day I wake up smiling, every night I go to bed exhausted, content and looking forward to the next challenge.  I’m a walking bag of happy barf, seriously.

So I have a new job.  It’s insanely awesome.  Everything I’ve wanted to do since I made the decision of moving here.  It involves writing, site management, fun competition, event planning, dealing with people… it’s a dream come true, only not really because its only a 3 month contract.  I’m hoping this is just a taste of what’s to come. The fun part? I’m in the actual CBD of Joburg.  Fo shizzle, manizzle.  I keep looking out my window to see the District 9 spaceship.

I’m flying to Durban at 0500 hours tomorrow morning.  Yay for seeing my hometown again. Boo for not seeing my boyfriend person over a weekend for the first time since we’ve been together.  I’m sure I’ll survive.  Maybe.  Possibly.  Probably.  I bet you he won’t though.  Cos I’m awesomely missable you know…

I’m typing this blog post of a MacBook Pro, compliments of the new job.  Holy smackballs, dude, how awesome is this computer?! I am in love already.

So, ya, that’s all really.  All smiles and stuff here.