Want a title? Here’s an annual one.

I haven’t written a thing for weeks.  Bad, bad blogger.  Truth is I’ve been busy at doing this life thing.  Its quite time consuming if I’m honest, sorry about that.  Usually I find the time to sit down and jot down whatever words are flying between my ears at that particular point in time, but lately I just don’t have the energy or the inclination.  I don’t know if its necessarily a bad thing though…

Anyway, its the second last day of two thousand and eight.  Thank fucking god.  I don’t think I’ve ever made new years resolutions, ever.  So now I’m going to.  And you okes are going to help me stick to them okay?  Feel free to whip out pom-poms at any given time.  Especially when I need you to.  Here goes nothing:

1. I will obtain a drivers licence.  However, I do not promise this will be done by any legal* means.
2. I will be driving my second car.
3. I will *not* allow any man to entertain any of my thoughts unless he has done the following: a) shown me his VALID book of identification; b) smelled my hair; c) met one of my real life friends and gotten approval. I will learn to love without having my heart fucking broken again.  If necessary I will do the breaking.
4. A savings account will be set up so that I may finally take an international holiday.  I’m thinking Perth, Venice or Greece.
5. Act more on impulse.  I overthink things too much and all the good things from 2008 all happened on impulse.
6. Not stay away from Doctors as much as I have been since Kiera died.  I can’t remain angry at the medical world.
7. I will find a happy song again.  I only keep the sad ones for myself for some reason, this much change.
8. My book will be published. Finally.
9. Fruit will continue to be a daily intake.  *puke!*
10. I’ll read more and go online less.

I think I’ll stick to ten for now.  New Years tomorrow.  I have so many offers and no real plans.  I’ll see where the wind blows me, I think.  Wherever you are make sure you’re happy, loved and are loving.  Most of all, be safe.  See you on the flip side of Two Thousand and Mine!

* If you have any contacts in the department lemme know** okay?

** Offs, I’m kidding.  Sort of.  CALL ME!

Here’s to doppelgangsters, family love, friends and the end of a very shitty year!

Life: look at it over your glasses and say: BRING IT ON, BITCH.

Oh hi, remember me?  The girl who had a rough year?  Yeah, thats all over now.  I’m officially ignoring the last few days of the year because I’ve decided two double oh nine is going to be *my* year.  MINE.  For me.

SO.. until then, I’m doing a bit of a road trip to visit old friends and … some other person I won’t discuss here.  Yay!  Looking forward to it.  Those of you who know where I’m going have my digits so call me okay?  I might be able to squeeeeeeze you in.  Maybe.  If you have good music and some jingle bones, Its going to be a week of debauchery though, I warn you.

Ah man.  I wish I could tell you whats been happening with me lately.  Karma is a bitch, yo – she confuses me.  Some baaaaad shit happens and then all of a sardine BAM!  HERE’S SOME GOOD!  Happy happy girl, me.

There’s no news on my car sadly, I didn’t really expect there to be.  But I still kinda hoped.  Even if only to shut my housemates cracking jokes about being renamed Carlos, joining the Ten Toe Club, taking it all Step-by-step etc.

Hey!  I met ExMi!  She’s awesome!  But shame, her 3g card was nicked, so she will probably be offline for a while.  I could totally use this as the opportunity to dish out the dirt on her like that one time she told me she… okay, I won’t.  She’s awesome though.  And her kid and I hit it off like a ton of bricks in a shit house.  What an awesome little dude.  I totally stole a christmas decoration ball thingie from The Pavillion for him to play with.  I’m still covered in glitter though, three showers later.

Anyways.  I don’t see myself posting again this year.  Stay safe, use condoms, call your Mommy and tell her you love her and don’t forget to leave some ganja for Santa on xmas eve – he’ll need some chilling out okay?

Thanks for everything guys.  You’re awesome.  Don’t forget that I would not be here typing this random crap out if it weren’t for my awesome readers.  You guys seriously helped me get through this horrid year.  And if all goes well, my next post might have a nice ending to 2008.  Hold thumbs for me and I’ll tell you why later.

Oh, and YOU in the back?  Put that down!

Ps:  I found two things out about God!

1. She’s
2. Black.

In the last 72 hours, I have:

• Sat on cat vomit consisting of the dog’s pooh that had been swallowed
• Had a family feud
• Sat on my glasses (again)
• Had my heart stomped on and then covered in spit and deep fried in a vat of molten lava
• Bitten by a small dog
• Kicked my toe
• Downed a glass of sour milk accidentally
• Lost my toothbrush
• Had my fucking car stolen
• Fought with the police who refused to take my statement as my office was “too far”.
• Had my fucking car stolen
• Had my fucking car stolen
• Had my fucking car stolen
• Not been able to get into my house because the keys were in… you guessed it, THE FUCKING CAR THAT WAS STOLEN.
• Showered at Cath’s and put back on dirty stinky clothes.
• Arrived at work this morning in yesterday’s clothes, smelling of Mr. Muscle (the only available cleaning detergent) flavoured dog shit.
• Been told by insurance that they pay out Wesbank direct only, which means that I would have to refinance another car, which I can’t do right now.
• Been fucked.  Royally.

I’m numb.  And I want to give up.  Why can’t I JUST ONCE, have it the easy way?  I know I’m whining, I know this is a feel sorry for me post, but I’m too fucking not phased to care.  Feel sorry for me, I’m so emo right now.

Carbon Monoxide

Tomorrow you’ll be thinking to yourself
Where’d it all go wrong, the list goes on and on

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I’m lying

Now you’ll never see, what you’ve done to me
You can take back your memories there no good to me
And he’s here’s all your lies,
You can look me in my eyes
With that sad sad look you wear so well

When you see my face hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

What’s going on with me

…as requested by Exmi – originally instigated by Briget.

Home Life:

Living with a couple could have really been dodge.  Either they could have turned out to be swingers (like my mother was convinced they were) or they could have been huge night jollers (like Kimbo expected) or they could have been Christian like and possibly convert to Satanism after getting to know the dodginess that is me (as discussed with Cath) or they could have run the house like Dames Huis (enough said.  Only Cath and Suetjie will get this).  I am happy to report they are none of the above.  Home life is calm, relaxed and easy.  Ginger mothers me in a no bullshit kind of way and Piano teases everyone around him.  They’re pretty fucking awesome. I realize that I can be kind of closed off at times, but they have made me so comfortable here, it really does feel like home.

Work Life:

It’s fucking insane.  I’m working through the holiday season, but I’m really looking forward to the public holidays that almost give me a week off.  I love my job.  I’m challenged daily with new people, foreign and local.  I have eye candy and good conversation and I’m really lucky to have a team behind me that is pleasant, entertaining and totally whacked in the head.

Family Life:

I can’t believe time has flown by so quickly but its been months since I last saw my siblings for a decent catch up session.  I spent an hour and a half on the phone with Dazz and Wokkie tonight, and for the first time ever they both actually had things to say – without me having to prompt them with nosy questions and bribery.

Health Life:

I haven’t blogged about it yet, but for a few weeks now I’ve known that I have a battle on my hands.  I’ve been told I have cervical issues dudes.  Before you panic though, its under control already and the quack has already decided we won’t need surgery as initially suspected.  This means a healthy lifestyle has commenced and medication that makes me sick and nauseas but its worth it because, well, I’m worth it!

Sex Life:

*censored censored censored*

Love Life:

Yeah, its in existence.  And I’m enjoying being hit on rather constantly by the same person.  He’s kinda awesome too, which is always nice.  But you guys already guessed that, I’m sure.  I only hang with awesome people.

Problems:

• At first I thought I was seeing things and that my eyes were funny, but my laptop has faded lines behind the screen – almost like a sailors navy stripes.  Oh please oh please, I’ll do anything – just don’t take my laptop away from me!
• I still haven’t sorted out my car.  It’s dangerously close to a melt down if I don’t fix things soon.
• I need to find time to have my hair done – I’m considering chopping it all off to above my shoulders, but I think I should wait til the end of summer, its so hot and humid here I’ll just look like a mushroom now, GHD or not.

So all in all, I’m totally keen for 2008 to end and tie itself in a knot whilst burning in a fire.  It’s been real but I’m over it now. I’m well, I’m happy and I’m getting myself sorted, in more ways than one.  Fake It November did me the world of good.

Sex and handcuffs and gays.

Please, for the love of god, explain to me how ‘Amy has sex with husband’ can be classified as a good enough news story? So fucking what!  So she shtupped her husband.  Big whoop.  I had sex with my boyfriend* not long ago – there, wanna write about it News24?  We even spiced up the missionary, how about that, News24? And if that’s not bad enough, they’re all over Boy George who was unfortunate enough to choose a lover who taddle taled after he went a bit kinky with handcuffs.  Is this really what the publication deems news worthy, even if under the Entertainment category?

I think not.  I don’t know who’s in charge there these days, but dear lord could somebody give the man (woman?) a kick in the head, please – they drive me bonkers!  News24.com is a site essentially offering a service, to the public, informing them of what is happening in this world around us, right?

There are cholera reports flying in and out of South Africa, babies have died by the dozen in China because of Melamine infestations and some people are using their pools as the only source of water into homes of Zimbabwe where they have to do rosters of when they can pooh or brush their teeth.  But News24 thinks we want to know Amy got happiness by the body by her loser husbank with a crack addiction.

News24 you suck, and your website is outdated in design and horrible to use!

*I’m kidding, jeeeez – calm down.

The thing about love (no eye rolling permitted)

…is that it makes you feel horrid.  All at the same time you feel special, stupid, insane and convinced you have permanent indigestion mixed with heart burn and a slight fondness of wanting to vomit.

You never know if it’s a good idea or not, as you’ve been hurt before, you’re scared of it happening again, you fight your inner negativity constantly and you pray to pencils that this time you’re wrong, this time he means it, this time its not empty words or broken promises or unfulfilled expectation.  You ignore all the warning signs of impending doom and gloom and you keep telling yourself that it will all be okay, you’re a team, you’re not going to fuck out.  Because this time it’s different.

Love knows no bounds, no creed, no class, no colour and no distance.  It doesn’t care if you’re not interested, or have no inclination or even desire for it, if it decides that you are next on its list, love will accost you my friend, like a long lost S.T.D. floating out at sea just looking for some pirate to infect and desist the use of any genital appendages.

Love is being only ten minutes away from someone but it feels like a lifetime.
Love is waiting a week or a year or only a minute to find out what that kiss will be like.
Love is a mixture of ten million things that leaves you with a weird taste in your mouth that you’re not quite sure if you like or not.
Love scares the fuck out of me, but I have so much of it right now.

Even though the worst thing is that with love, comes goodbyes.  And the saddest thing of all about goodbye’s, is that you have to do them over and over again every day when the person you love is not there.

Ultimately, Love is all of the above being embraced because for every ten million minutes of agony you will surely go through there will be one pure, blissful second where everything will be right with the world and more importantly, in the heart that you so often deny.

Sometimes…

…its not best swallowing your pride.  In certain cases its the only thing you can actually walk away with.

I’m going to be a Granny!

I’m going to be a granny! I’m soooo excited!  She’s due around December and although she is a full thoroughbred, the sperm donor is not, so the babies will probably come out with three willies and eyes crossed over, but so what?  Babies are beautiful, no matter how fuck ugly they are.
My brother Dazz (the father) and I are already fighting over who gets grandparental rights.  Flea is totally uninterested, she’s just the adoptive parent apparently.  According to her, all custody arrangements and such are up to the biological parents, me and my brother.  Inbredded incest?  It’s a game the whole family can play.

Okay, okay, stop thinking I’m hill-billy orientated, Flea has just informed me that my puppeh (who is not such a puppeh) is pregnant!  I am so insanely excited dudes, Susie is pregnant, who wants mini sausage dogs?

In other news, I have inherited a whole bunch of nicknames from my housemates.  Midget, Gargoyle toes, Lesbian… some unmentionable on this blog… and I cannot come up with something insulting enough for him, so I need your help.  Lets put our heads together and nickname Piano with something horrid, witty and terribly awful.

Aaaaaaaand GO!