I Got Lucky

by an alien named Reginald.  Srsly. 

Like Cam would say, ‘its beecos I’m feeling a little bit sick’.  In my body.  Not nauseous, not vommy, not sore – just really, really weirdinside. That’s the best way I can describe it to you guys.  Who shotguns Godparents? I think I’ll appoint the AnGlugDemon.  At least I know my little alien baby will get some insanity from Angel, serenity from Glugs & some chutzpa from Demon.  It will be like having me split into three people.  Nice!

Weekend sucked to be honest.  Feeling emo.  Not that enthralled about ‘right now’ and I have my head in the clouds again… never a good sign.

In summary, this is what has been going on with me since Friday:

1. Most importantly, Flea finally popped!  I have another godchild named Ethan, he is gorgeous and looks like a sprog I’m sure.  I cannot wait to kiss him and love him and hug him and spoil him.
2. Missed out on going ‘home’ for the weekend because of …well a lot, really.
3. Weather sucked a lot, I complained a bit
4. Garden & Home show – lame
5. Tiff, Anna & me on the veranda after my veranda after the gay boy convention at home… interesting.
6. I’ve lost inspiration for this post.  I’ll stop now. 

Bleh.

NEW 365u POST UP. 

The Wiggly Challenge

You guys know Wiggly, right? Well, although he doesn’t blog anymore he and I still keep in contact from time to time.  For your viewing pleasure, I have decided to paste something he wrote for me today:

Wiggly Email 1:  How is Dbn Town blah blah, what you up to lately yadda yadda.

My Reply 1: All good, loving it, taxi shoot out on X Road this morning, rickshaws, sand castles, Joe Cools etc etc

Wiggly Email 2: 

Ahhh, good old [...] Rd. I used to go that way to work every day too.  Durbs is awesome. If you wanna check out an AWESOME place, go to X Club on [this] Rd. And when you do, make sure you say Hi to N, V, A and L for me. Those ladies will show you a wonderful time – believe me. Oh, and when you meet N, give her my number – I believe she wants it. You could also bump into them at Joe Cools on a Sunday night (cos thats their only night off). 4 tall [Nationality] girls who dance really well - you can’t miss them.

Hey, I think I’ve just given you MISSION NUMBER ONE for living in Durban Town! 

MISSION NUMBER TWO: Find out why Kevin Cadman is such a douche**. In fact, if you hang with him and his bunch of hooligan mates, you’ll have a great time in Durban Town too.

MISSION NUMBER THREE: Instigate a mass-cleanup of all the rubbish on Durban’s beaches. This includes litter.

MISSION NUMBER FOUR: Eat 2 Johnny Rotis’ mutton roti rolls in one sitting. This will save you loads of cash on a procedure that would otherwise cost you thousands of rands – a colonic cleansing.

MISSION NUMBER 5: Go to at least one underground deep-house party. Hint: Visit Tilt and find out when the next one is happening

MISSION NUMBER 6: Visit [residential address], and find out who is living there now. If a chick called Margaret* is there, don’t say you know me, just vomit all remains of your Johnny Rotis lunch on her, kick her in the guava and duck.

OK thats enough missions for now. If you do one a week, it will result in six weeks of fun!

This is no joke for me anymore, these are 6 MISSIONS YOU HAVE TO COMPLETE BEFORE YOUR LIFE WILL BECOME MEANINGFUL AND YOU CAN MOVE ON IN LIFE WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE.

 Love

Wiggles

—-

* I had the name changed for the protection of her “guava”

** Wiggly and Kevin met in real life at the July last year (it was, right?) and got on like a bonfire on a house.  I have Kev on facebook and he really does act like a doos from what I’ve heard, even though I suspect (with the odd confirmation here and there) that he is just a lost boy looking for love.  Muhahaha – he’d hate that!

Sigh.  Why doesn’t this man continue to blog? Have a good weekend all.

New 365u

After a firm kick up the arley to me delivered by the ever eloquent Mark, I have written the latest 365u post.  Apologies that it took so long.

I endevour to be more efficient and equipped from here on in.

I remain Yours,

SheBee

TGIF is putting it mildly

Holy God.  What an eventful evening just gone by.  No details, but there was a bit of mix such as ’96 music vids, home made moofies, penis factor, testosterone and two pissed off girls sitting with one delightful gay man towards the end.

Also, Madonna.  For Will,  Madonna, whom he lost his virginity to, or so we heard anyway.

TGIF.  In fact, I’ll change that: TFIF. 

Idiot Of The Day Award…

…goes to someone other than me, for a change:

Scene 1: There I am, plugging away furiously at my computer with the Serious Cat* face on, when my phone rings.

Idiot: Is that John? Can I speak to John please? Are you John?

Me: *thinking: okay buddy, calm the fuck down* No, this is Sheena.  You’ve dialled the wrong number.

Idiot: Can your transfer me to John then?  I need to speak to John.

Me: As far as I know, we don’t have a John in the office, but give me a sec, I want to confirm.

*Hold music*

Scream to IT dude – “Do we have a John?” his reply?  (asshole) “Its right down the corner, Sheena.  Sex changed, has it?”

*unlick Hold button, stiffle swear words directed at IT guy*

Me: Nope, sorry.  No John here.  Have a good day.

Idiot: Well they told me he was offshore until July, so maybe he isn’t back yet.  Can I leave a message?

 - – - -

I actually wanted to scream.  I am BUSY, DUDE.  FUCK OFF!  How absolutely stupid can one be?  He had the intelligence levels of a dead person, I swear.

Haven’t slept. Major headache. Bad news in the family received yesterday. Might or might not have stayed awake watching Gummi Bears all of last night.  Just putting it out there…

 I’m that cool.

* http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=4557603303 - sorry, I would’ve linked it for you guys, but the pop up thingie kept blanking out on me.  Click on this.  You must.  Or I’ll eat your liver.  (muwahaha – private joke).

CATH JENKIN’S SPECIAL DAY

Everybody, I would like to encourage you to skip over to my NBF’s corner and put your hands together for another year accomplished in wrinkles age by wishing her a happy birthday. 

I love you flattie, see you later.  Will have the vino chilled and the sweeties out and ready.

PS:  Twat, me, was late for work this morning.  Alarm didn’t go off.  Just got in. Came sneaking in behind the accounts girls, they’re all fat so no one noticed.  Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

xoxox

Hump Day Madness

A bunch of us threw Cath a surprise birthday bash on Saturday night. She walked in and barely recovered from her heart attacking her & promptly screamed at us and called us all manner of names. I think we should club in to send her to a quack, seriously, there might be a leaky valve problem in her eyes.  Happy Happy for tomorrow my love!

Did anyone else hear the Zimbabwe theme song this morning on east coast radio?  With Bob’s voice and skye news?  Holy hell it made me cry!  I had to go to the bathroom and clean off the racoon look. 

I’ve compiled an itinerary of my morning schedule. I’m still getting used to it myself, but this is what I’ve come up with so far:

06:35 – alarm goes off. “Ah Fuck, I need more sleep” is usually my first thought.

06:40 – alarm goes off again. “Ah Fuck, I need more sleep!” is usually my second, third or forth thought too.

06:45 – out of bed, have a wee, wash my hands, and slap a toothbrush in my mouth. Sometimes I even remember to add the toothpaste.

06:47 – unslam bathroom door and grunt good morning to Cath-Cam. On a good day they might get a nod of the head or on a really good day, they’ll even get a wave.

07:00 – In shower, hating my life, thinking about making coffee, trying not to kill myself with the showerhead or consider jumping off one of our two balconies.

07:15 – after shoving clothes on, slap a lunch together with one hand, while gathering all my shit together in order to leave home by 07:20 latest.

07:35 – halfway to work, sing along to East Coast or bop my head to whatever CD is on random play, smoking all the way down the freeway, dashing in and out of trucks, swearing at the defective traffic lights.

07:50 – hoot at Arnold the boom gate operator who can be found fast asleep in his chair on most days.

07:52 – stroll into office, demand Hot Chocolate from Pretty (with a pretty, pleeeeease and a cherry on top) and sit down to go through emails and blogs while I wait at my desk for the caffeine fix.

During the day I do stuff, work stuff, phone work people, scout new work people, answer work questions, go on lunch (usually to the IT office next door where we gossip about Bloggers and I give him a full run down of who I’ve met, dealt with and gotten to know, or he plays me music videos while I read his FHM) and at 16:00 I do the whole process in reverse until I get home again.

Golly, I’m pregnant

‘Sheen, you’re funnier when you’re sad – you know that?’ said the mother to the blogger with the long brown hair…

Gee, Mom – thanks.  But, she’s right I suppose.  It’s weird how that happens, hey?  Your mother always knows you best.

I’m stuck with a tricky situation.  Do I say yes to one option, at the risk of missing out on my current option?  Or do I just say no to the new option and stick with my current one, when I already know what to expect. 

Tough call, boet.  I might fuck it up either way, but hey – at least I could say I went down trying, right? 

Also, in other news, I’m seeing dead people yo.  At home, at the office and even on the street the other night.  I think Bruce Willis has fed me that child while I wasn’t looking. 

And, just to spice things up a little, I think I may be slightly pregnant.  Haven’t had any happiness by the body recently, so its a tad off what with timing and all that, but hey – stranger things have happened.

Tender breasts, cranky as fuck, nausea in the mornings… my throat mock charged a few times while I was inhaling my first smoke this morning, that never happens. 

Yes, so, I’ll call the baby Jesus Jnr.

An interview with the IT dude:

So, at my new company (which is HUGE by the way) I walk in on my first day on the job to find out that;

a) I get to enjoy my very own office! It is sensational when it comes to views of–
· men – I overlook the the workshop three stories below me, where the guys often work topless. Yes, I’m being serious. Yes, they are mostly all sexy.

· the ocean – I get to see a lot of boats, you know what I’m sayin’?

· the city – well, okay, from my corner I only really catch a glimpse of smog every now & again. But still, at least I can see the smog!

b) Our IT manager walks right up to me and says ‘ohmygod – you are totally SheBee! I read your blog like every day!’ I had to stop short of him asking for my autograph, it was weird. Although, this is so intensely awesome, because now I can reap the following benefits:

· The ability to not feel guilty to upload my posts or comment on my own site, since he is a reader, he expects a post daily, right? (I’m still working on him allowing me access to blogger comments – Hi, RK, any luck with it? Will make you coffee forever and ever amen?)

· Whenever I break the internet, he is but a ‘holla’ away. This has yet to happen though. Kudos to me!

· If I feel like dodging phone calls, he sweetly allows me to hide under his desk and read Man-a-zines.

And so, to introduce this lovely new character to you readers, I did a SheBee-style 20Q on him J you’re welcome.

RK, beloved IT guru, what has been your high light of this month so far?

You are so leading up to an answer about you, I bet. I’m not biting. But I will say, that amongst other things, meeting you unexpectedly was pretty kiff, hey.

Well come on, its not every day you get to meet your favourite Blogger in person!

You are only my local favourite, SheBee. You know how I love [stupid bloggers name removed for selfish reasons] and her [stupid reference removed for public decency reasons]. But yes, you are a fantastic bonus to our company team, you fit in very well & we’re glad to have you. Welcome to the mad house!

Jeez, I feel like I’ve just been re employed, thanks! Come now, this isn’t a political interview –enough about you, lets talk about me!

Oh my word… where do I start? [hehe okay, I totally inserted that myself. He actually said ‘Do I have to do this stupid thing? I’m just a lurker, you know…’]
Alright, I suppose you are kind of pretty and stuff when you remember to brush the sleep out your eyes. Plus, your leopard shoes are somewhat sexy. Also, your boo-

Okay, jeez, enough about physical appearance damnit! I feel like a piece of chicken!

Lol! Um, seriously – I used to think you exaggerated a lot about how clumsy you are. I’ve now seen that Bridget Jones has nothing on you. Do your readers know that you locked yourself out of the office on Friday in the rain? Have you told them how you took a running leap and almost fell down two flights of stairs?

Well, now they do – am I going to have to put you on a leash, RK? Alright, cure the mystery for me. What do IT geeks really do in a company? I mean, there’s only so many complaints you can attend to in a day…

Well, I take care of the things you wouldn’t think of. Essentially I am there to ensure back ups are done, virus scans are running properly, making sure the (Ethernet / intranet) is working properly. Also, I’m there to google porn a lot and play games online, but don’t tell anyone that.

You know, that all sounds very nerdy, but to be honest – you don’t fit the profile of a geek. You don’t wear glasses, I don’t think you have acne on your back, you wear diesel jeans and you drive a sexy car. How’d that happen?

I do wear contacts, though. I go to gym a lot so that I can fill out these diesel jeans, and I just got lucky with the car J Is this you hitting on me, SheBee? You know I have a girlfriend, right? It’s okay though – she won’t mind sharing. Can I give you my number now?

Oh bugger off. You wish man, I was just merely pointing out that you weren’t totally disgusting to look at. Men! Alright, you’ve wasted my time long enough and I now have a call waiting, so. Go make me tea, please?

Okthxbi!

**puts down phone**

[Bastard. He’s completely colonized the ‘okthxbi’ from me!]

Yay! I’m so happy in my new position. Its hardly been a month and I feel so at home. I was welcomed with a bunch of flowers and hot chocolate the other day, and this morning I was sent anonymous lunch. The guys are hysterical and the women too busy to bitch. Its fab, dahling, fab.

PS:  Telkom adsl lines over the entire area of Durban have been stolen, or broken, or stolen or something.  Apparently it will take up to three working days to fix.  Joy oh joy.