Yes, I do still breathe.

Sorry for my disappearing act guys.  I’m just letting you know that I have yet to peg, things have just gone a tad pear shaped of late.  I’m on holiday with my girlfriends now, and Tiff and I will be heading to Champagne Castle in the berg tomorrow morning, where Kim will be joining us on Sunday til Wednesday.  I am a lucky, lucky girl and I love my fabulous friends.  I haven’t seen my two other triangles, Flea (who should be fat by now with human incubation and all) and Britt, who is apparently moving house this weekend.  I’ll be round to them soon to get my lectures, I’m sure.

So by now, you would have guessed that I am no longer in Cape Town.  As gorgeous as the mowwwwntin is, and as lovely as Richard was, I needed to leave.  Its a long story – don’t ask, I’ll just confuse you more than I am already.

This is just a quick update, so I will keep it short.  I’ll have some time this weekend (maybe, between facials, massages, horse rides or swimming) to do a longer post and catch up with everyone of you.

Until then, wish Tiff luck tomorrow morning, because I’m driving, baby!

Monday 20Q with Tertia Albertyn!

Tertia Albertyn and I go way back. Seriously, I’m not just name dropping here by any means. In August 2003 I joined the SA Preemies support group for parents of Premature babies. Or at least, my momma did for me since I was stuck in hospital on bed rest. There I came into contact via email with Tertia. She had just given birth to twin boys, Ben and Luke. Sadly, she lost both her boy babies, and I was absolutely devestated for her. I remember thinking how cruel the world was, and being grateful that my situation was far less worse, little did I know.

Tannie T, as I affectionately call her, contacted me a few months later, after Kiera had died, and sent me a link to Ben’s memorial site, and advised me to do one for Kiera in the name of healing. Or something. I did so, and also started reading her blog, way back when in 1962. Or, 2004 – wha evah, you guys are so bloody anal about dates!

This was the start of a beautiful, if not awkward internet, friendship. I have followed Tertia’s story of infidelity infertility closely throughout the years, and despite being called an asshole frequently, I have come to respect and admire this role model wonder woman who I had no idea would become as famous as she has over the years. Lucky me, I know how to pick ‘em.

For those of you who live under a rock, and have never read her book or seen her about in O magazine, Fair Lady, Femina, YOU, Women24 or watched her on SABC 3′s Power Within, eTV’s Great Expectations or Carte blanche, or been present at one of her motivational talks, Tertia has gone through a shit load in her quest to be a mother again. Finally, after many years of heart ache, the loss of way too many pregnancies, one live birth of Ben (Luke died in utero) and a journey in far too much knowledge of her insides, Adam & Kate were born and are now the lights of her life and her reason for breathing. I personally cannot think of any other infertile more deservant of motherhood.

Tertia, I’m not going to ask you about your books or anything serious on Infertility, as I’m sure you’ve had that up to your ears. What I will ask, is what is your most favourite thing about being a Momma?
The opportunity to be able to love so completely, so utterly

Do you ever second guess yourself on having twins?
The first six months were hell. I thought i had made the biggest mistake of my life but slowly it gets easier and easier as they get older and then it gets to a point where having twins is easier than having a singleton, same schedule etc.

Adam and Kate have become borderline celeb kids in same manner as Pilo Shitt. Ahem, I mean Shilo Pitt. How does this make you feel?
I dont know, I’ve never thought of it that way actually.

You have a huge following, and your readers often give you seven different shades of hell. This must be one of the worst things about being so open about yourself and your loved ones?
It is difficult, but it also forces me to be brutally honest with myself, and true to myself. there is no place to hide. i detest fence sitters, blogging so openly forces me not to be a fence sitter.

Sometimes your reader comments frighten even me, in the way they second guess you…
I know. i’ve learnt to ignore the real fruitcakes

On the other hand though, your blog is the one I come to when I need inspiration and to see support of a writer/female/mother/blogger… of which you are all.
The one thing i keep telling myself is that 99% of the feedback i get is overwhelmingly positive. Ok, so the 1% are REALLY bad, but its only 1%. That helps me. But to have a full time, online, 24 hour on call support base of potential friends, doctors, psychiatrists etc – thats huge.

Your worst experience of fruit cakes? I remember a while back you had someone posting as a dead child?
The very worst thing that happened to me is that i somehow managed to offfend one reader, and she started a huge vendetta against me. She formed a secret website dedicated to bashing me, saying nasty things about me. I shouldn’t have cared so much, but i did. I was terribly upset, they said some pretty nasty things.

My late boyfriend bought a copy of your book, and felt that poor Marko didn’t get enough credit (in the book) for his part in making A & K. We actually had a huge argument over this. How does he handle the whole sperm donating bit, ever get teased by mates?
I suppose it is a guy thing. Let me put it this way: in order for us to have a baby, we both had to play a part. Marko had to donate some sperm. I had to undergo 3 diagnostic operations, 9 IVF’s, many, many months of hyper stimulation with hormones, injections, blood draws, 100′s of doctors appointments, bloated ovaries, transvaginal aspiration of the eggs. So um, yeah. the donating sperm thing? He can do that.

You’ve spoken about his anal tendancies before, hows that working for him these days, having two ankle biters around?
Its been a massive adjustment for him. i do feel sorry for him sometimes. i’ll give him credit for that, he has relaxed his analness a lot! He is still anal, but he also knows when it just let it go. We balance each other out well – I am way too soft wth the kids, and he makes sure they dont wreck the entire house.

What does Tertia do for Tertia?
I must have alone time. i need alone time to calm my crazy insides down, so I take an hour every night, completely on my own, in front of the computer with a glass of wine and i read blogs, check email etc. That is tertia time.

Do you still maintain your nose is smaller than sister Mels?
It is smaller!

What were your first words this morning?
"So, are you not dead?" Am terrible, unsympathetic wife – Marko had chest pains last night, said he might die during the night. I told him not to wake me, its just indigestion. You know what men are like.

Oh yes. Self professed wine lover, what would you drink if wine was discontinued?
Shite, difficult one. Probably savanah light during the day and G&T’s at night.

If I could give you a goody bag with 5 items, what would they be?
Sjoe, hold – nice question. I want to take some time to daydream about getting a goody bag like that… Must think properly about what i want in it.

(…some minutes go by) Good lord woman, i said FIVE ITEMS!
Ha! Some kind of foot balm thing. I am very into making sure my feet look nice. Then, a nice face mask thingy, something cooling and calming. A back massage thingy that I could massage my own back, some pretty hair clips to tie my hair up with and a new bottle of perfume – I’ve run out of my old one and i need a change

Very nice! Which perfume do you need a change from?
Before i got pregnant I wore Angel for years. But once I was pregnant, I couldn’t stand the smell of it, so now i’ve been kind of flitting between perfumes, not really sure what i like. I won a bottle of Nina Ricci, I think its called.

I was sent over 20 emails requesting you as an interviewee (after I had already decided on you, mind), which proves that my readers not only are cheating assholes, but admirers of you. SO. What are your final words, to the fans:
Life is too short to be unhappy. Follow your dream, believe in yourself and never do things just because you are supposed to. Do things that feel right to you. If I had listened to all the people who told me that God/Fate/Nature didn’t want me to be a mother, then I wouldn’t have my two beautiful children today. Don’t live a half life, follow your heart.

Read more on Tertia, her babies Adam & Kate, Sergeant major Marko (who’s actually just a marsh mellowy type of nice guy), Rose the domestic with attitude, Sister Mel (with the bigger nose) & the grandparents daily on her website, So Close. It is in popular demand, and its a race to comment first. Lots of variety and spice up for grabs, and believe it or not, its not only for the fembots, guys read her too.

To buy Tertia’s book written in hilarious detail of her infertile journey, click this link.

Aaaaand, the winner goes to?

This months 10 best search items leading to my blog:

1. little Boys making love to men – oh yes, I’m sure its for research purposes.
2. Is anal worth it? – worth what? Your integrity of being butt plugged? No. Sorry for you.
3. fuckywucky – yup, every Tuesday night. In my family, anyway.
4. nurse "turn around" suppository – Two Words: Fucked. Up.
5. german oompa band – yeah, they do that. Banjos and everything.
6. Benefits of being a nerd – there are benefits? What, like medical aid? Pension fund? Be specific!
7. ex eskom employees – the uncorrupted ones, you mean.
8. ryan kankowski – he’s mine, bitch, back off!
9. "i’m horny" – yup, thats what you got hands for, heeyik!
10. like flies on sherbert – I have no idea how that lead you to my blog, but shit I laughed when I saw this one!

I am offering a prize of a weekend away with the fabulous ME to anyone who owns up to no. 4. Come on, I know you wanna. Second prize for no.2 gets a weekend away with one of my future Cape Flats gangster homies.

If you want to read more, go here.

Insp(eye)rd

Through bad decisions, wrong choices, catch22 options and silly situations, she found herself at a crossroad of life. Her will had been challenged, her mind been stimulated, her ideas been fed. She is undergoing a phase of change.

Arguments, crying sessions, hysteria and bonding ensued. After some time, they knew each one would be remembered. Far too much judgement came into play. The one she wanted, couldn’t stay. The rest supported her in her time of need. They became her friends, her confidants, her worst critics.

No guarantees, no warrantees, no quick solution to unanswered questions, untold lies, and hard kept secrets. What should she do, in this world of uncertainty? Should she fly when being cooped, should she run when being caged, should she fight when being cornered?

Some people get it, others don’t. Fighting for survival and having fun while getting to know herself. Things happen for a reason. She’s come to appreciate this. Her third eye is out and in full force. She refuses to apologise for being herself. She wants to be free.

She wants to be, Me.

A chapter in the book ‘If these walls could talk’ Copyright, SheBee productions 2008.

Ever wondered what a normal ‘news’ day is in SA?

• Here is an interesting one about a guy who got pissed at his two mates so stabbed a chick, went home & knifed his mom, then spiked his dad while sleeping in his bed, stole his moms car and drove to a little clutchplate town called Orkney.  As Karma would have it, he crashed the car which then forced him to leg it a while til he got to a rail way track, where he was then squished to death by a train.  Bugger!
• Another one to read is about a 23 year old undead man. Apparently.  Pay R5 to see the boy who lived (again)!
• Wanna steal our almost gold-like status electricity?  Be careful, you might just get the befuckery beaten out of you and walk around with a frikken snake tied around your neck!

Life in South Africa.  Never a dull moment.  Hey, I got through this entire post without having the electricity trip, once!

“Why I mastubate my son” debate

I’m a little bit slow on the uptake, but reading through one of my favourite blogs archives, I came across quite a controversial story, here is the link.

This story not only saddens me and makes me cringe, but it also touched a small part of me in the way that I can sympathise with this father, if not agree with his method.  I urge you to click the link, but beware that there is a lot to read, and for the lazy ones I will do a summary:

Mustafa is a 21year old boy who suffers from severe cerebral palsy and has the mentality of a mere baby.  His loving father, Fayzal has controversially come out to the media of how he "massages his sons genitals" in the name of sexual tension release, and maintains that this is purely for medicinal and health reasons for his son, and not for his own self gratification.

When I first read his story, I was disgusted and immediately thought of abuse and molestation.  I then read through some of the debate and comments and how this father has sustained media shunning, radio bans, and internet censorship.  His primary goal was to open up to the public for debate on whether what he was doing was morally right, or wrong.

I would like to believe that Fayzal has his sons best interests at heart.  If I could make a suggestion, I would rather put it forward to him that he allows for a partial outsider to do the ‘massage’ for his son Mustafa, if his beliefs of necessity is so strong.  Other people have felt the same way, and put forward the suggestion, but Fayzal maintains that prostitution is illegal and he would rather not go that way.

In my own interest, I would like to hear your thoughts on this.  Please remember that a parent is involved here, and is seeking help and advice, not insults and confrontation, as I believe the poor man has had his fair share already.  If you disagree, do so with integrity.  If you would like to read more on this matter, I have just found an updated link.

Yet another controversial post from me on a Friday night.  I wonder if this will form a pattern.

I had the weirdest dream today

So.  I had a frog tell me that he and his gang were planning on robbing me of my (non-existant) ipod while eating food out of my (non-existant) fridge in my (non-existant) home.

I stared blankly at him, and mutely nodded my head.

The frog then turned around, burped, hopped to the window and farted into the room as he was windswept away.

Kinda interesting, no?

Turning cyberland into reality

I have many different online friendships.  I like to group them, you see.  I have the blogmates I text randomely at all hours of night and day, knowing I will always get a reply.  I have the bloggers I have spoken to and poured my heart out to, and listened while they’ve poured theirs out, without the intention of ever meeting in real life.  I have bloggers I add to my IM and chat to on a daily basis, laugh and cry with each one, think about when I’m at home and in my bed.  I have even fantasised about bloggers before.  Yes, thats right, I have.  I won’t tell so don’t even ask.  And no, Bridget, its not you.  I’m happy to say that I have involved two of my real life friends in the blogging world.  Through blogging I have especially become close to Natalie again, whom I lost touch with over the years.

Basically, what I am trying to say – is that although some of my RL friends think its nerdy and superficial of me to have so many people all over the world that I care about and talk about like I know them in person, I love what blogging has brought me.  Other than the benefits and joy I get from reading into other people’s minds, I have been fortunate enough to have learnt more about these people than I probably ever would in reality.

Sometimes in life you meet someone and just click.  It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, it is instantaneous.  Today I was fortunate enough to meet the one missing third part of my blogging family.  I’m speaking, of course, of the mysterious and ever lady-like Ms. Candy Tothill.  I felt an immediate comfort and ease with her, and when we met at the airport I just had to give her a hug.

We raced around Cape Town the entire day in Bartholomew, Richards car, with a mission to relax, enjoy eachothers company, tease the male, swap stories and generally just get to know the real life person behind the computer screen.  Candy is useful too!  She helpfully explained to me that there was a great big fucking creepy-crawly monster cockroach under the chair that I happened to be plonking my ass upon.  While her and I were screaming for waiters from up top of the upholstered hotel furniture, Richard swept in and saved the day by smashing the poor bastard to smithereens (sorry if that offended the tree shaggers, to make up for it – I recycle on Tuesdays).

This woman is not only a breath of fresh air, but if I had mild lesbian tendancies I would dry hump her left leg.  She’s going to love that.  God I’m disgusting! 

Moral of this long winded story typed up at 1am?  Meet your blogger mates, yo – its fun.   Thank you, Candy-cane, for an awesome and unforgettable day.  Lets do it again, I’ll cook you my pasta next time.

In keeping with tradition of SA, I repost!

I thought I would join in with the rest of SA bloggers and repost something I wrote a while back:

Dear Eskom,

I hope you are happy you fuckin assholes, I have just lost six months worth of work because you decide you need to do some “power line” in the middle of fucking nowhere to give electricity to a bunch of people who probably prefer using gas stoves anyway.

Also, since the ENTIRE CITY is in complete fucking darkness, I cannot see other than using my cell phone light, which will not last long, as the battery is dead and I won’t be able to recharge it, innit?

Oh, and also, the weather is so devestatingly disgusting, my hair looks like complete shit which is also your fault as I cannot use a hair dryer.

In closing, I would like to say a big Fuck You to all of everyone of you, including the Eskom contractor with the sexy legs who I will no longer perv at.

Bunch of pricks.

See the original post here.